Beyond Bullying: Breaking the Cycle of Shame, Bullying, and Violence

265 Pages·2015·3.11 MB·English

by  Jonathan Fast

Beyond Bullying

Beyond Bullying
Breaking the Cycle of Shame,
Bullying, and Violence
Jonathan Fast
1
1
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© Jonathan Fast 2016
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Fast, Jonathan.
Beyond bullying : breaking the cycle of shame, bullying, and violence /
Jonathan Fast.
pages cm
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 978–0–19–938364–1 (alk. paper)
1. Shame. 2. Bullying. 3. Bullying—Prevention. I. Title.
BF575.S45F27 2016
152.4ʹ4—dc23
2015011398
9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Printed in the United States of America
on acid-free paper
This book is dedicated to my children, Molly Jong-Fast Greenfield,
Benjamin Fast, and Daniel Fast, with great love and respect.

CONTENTS
Introduction  ix
1. About Shame  1
2. Bullying In and Out of Schools  25
3. The Bullying of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Teens,
Part I: It’s Not Easy Being Green  49
4. The Bullying of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Teens,
Part II: Was it a Cluster and What Was Its Cause? 81
5. The Bullying of Women by Men  99
6. The Bullying of Blacks and Hispanics by Whites  129
7. Failures in Shame Management: School Shootings and Acts
of Domestic Terrorism  163
8. Restorative Justice and Restorative Processes 191
References  213
Index  233

INTRODUCTION
In the 1990s a rash of school rampage shootings changed the landscape
of American childhood. While the victims were relatively few, their tragic
deaths made the public feel as though school was no longer a safe place.
The public demanded immediate action: Stop the killings! Make schools safe
again! Investigators sifted through the debris searching for characteristics
shared by the shooters in the hopes of creating a profile that might help
them find the next shooter before he or she did any harm. Some simi-
larities were obvious and unsurprising. Nearly all the shooters were boys,
and all were between the ages of 11 and 21. All lived in rural or suburban
neighborhoods. All were unpopular. Most of them loved guns and violent
video games. But that was where the similarities ended. Some were from
dirt-poor homes; others were well-to-do middle-class kids, the children
of teachers, lawyers, and engineers. Some were good-looking; others were
skinny or chubby, with thick glasses or bangs. Some lied like conmen, but
others were socially inept. Some were brilliant, and others had learning
disabilities. Some suffered from serious psychiatric problems while oth-
ers seemed relatively sane. Eventually, from this sea of randomness, one
single factor began to overshadow all others:
They had all been bullied.
Suddenly bullying, an activity that had been more or less ignored for
centuries, or praised as a way of toughening up the next generation, took
the spotlight as a source of personal misery and potential public menace.
Further research suggested that the problems created by being bullied did
not necessarily vanish after graduation but often foreshadowed lifelong
depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem.1 Nor did the bullies fare well in
adulthood. Statistical data showed them committing crimes four or five
times as frequently as their non-bullying peers.2