Becoming an Emotionally Focused Couple Therapist: The Workbook

418 Pages·2005·3.8 MB·English

by  Susan Johnson

Brent Bradley, Jim Furrow, Alison Lee, Gail Palmer, Doug Tilley, Scott Woolley

The Workbook
Susan M. Johnson
Brent Bradley, Jim Furrow, Alison Lee,
Gail Palmer, Doug Tilley, Scott Woolley
NEW YORK LONDON
Published in 2005 by Published in Great Britain by
Routledge Routledge
Taylor & Francis Group Taylor & Francis Group
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© 2005 by Taylor & Francis Group, LLC
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CONTENTS
Preface............................................................................................................................. ii
SECTION I: THEORETICAL OVERVIEW AND SUMMARY OF INTERVENTIONS ........ 1
1. INTRODUCTION: THE NATURE OF EFT ................................................................... 3
2. THEORETICAL BACKGROUND TO EFT .................................................................... 13
3. INTERVENTION IN EFT .............................................................................................. 41
SECTION II: THE TREATMENT PROCESS ........................................................................ 103
4. STEPS 1 AND 2: ASSESSMENT AND CYCLES ........................................................... 105
5. STEPS 3 AND 4: DE-ESCALATION .............................................................................. 141
6. STEPS 5 AND 6: EXPANDING AND HEIGHTENING EMOTION .............................. 165
7. STEP 7 AND KEY CHANGE EVENTS: RE-ENGAGEMENT AND SOFTENING ........ 193
8. STEPS 8 AND 9: CONSOLIDATION ............................................................................ 239
SECTION III: SPECIAL ISSUES AND FAMILY INTERVENTIONS .................................. 257
9. COMMON PROBLEMS AND IMPASSES ..................................................................... 259
10. WOUNDS AND TRAUMAS: FORGIVENESS AND HEALING ................................... 277
11. EMOTIONALLY FOCUSED FAMILY THERAPY (EFFT) ............................................ 293
12. CONFESSIONS OF AN EFT THERAPIST ................................................................... 311

i Contents
APPENDIX A: EFT RESOURCES ................................................................................. 327
APPENDIX B: HELPING YOURSELF LEARN EFT FOR COUPLES ........................... 333
APPENDIX C: BEGINNING AN EFT COUPLE SESSION: A CHECKLIST ................. 335
APPENDIX D1: UNDERSTANDING YOUR NEGATIVE CYCLE ................................ 337
APPENDIX D2: WHEN WE’RE NOT GETTING ALONG: FEELINGS, THOUGHTS,
AND BEHAVIORS ......................................................................................................... 339
APPENDIX E: EFT ASSESSMENT FORM ................................................................... 341
APPENDIX F: HOMEWORK FOR COUPLES ............................................................... 343
APPENDIX G: EFT TRAINING NOTE FORM ............................................................. 345
Answer.Section............................................................................................................... 347
References....................................................................................................................... 393
About.the.Authors.......................................................................................................... 395
Index............................................................................................................................... 397
PREFACE
This workbook is designed to help therapists and counselors use the emotionally focused
perspective and interventions to transform couple and family relationships. It is based on
two decades of practice, research, and writing. The book should be used in conjunction
with the manual for EFT (The.Practice.of.Emotionally.Focused.Couple.Therapy:.Creating.
Connection, 2nd ed., Brunner-Routledge, 2004) and other resources, including training
videotapes, found on the EFT Web site (http://www.eft.ca). A list of EFT supervisors is also
included on the website.
To feel confident in EFT and use it effectively with different kinds of couples, most thera-
pists should read the manual and additional chapters and articles, attend training with an EFT
trainer, and obtain clinical consultation/supervision. Such diligent training is required for
any form of psychological intervention but especially one in which a therapist is intervening
in an ongoing, multidimensional, and emotionally powerful interpersonal drama. Becoming
fluent in EFT is like learning ballet—it is an ongoing process and cannot be learned by simply
reading a book or watching an expert therapist. This book is designed by seven practicing
EFT therapists—who still learn from every couple they see—to help the reader engage in that
learning process. It is not designed to stand alone. Over the years, we have found that other
modalities such as watching tapes of one’s own sessions and belonging to a supportive peer
supervision group are an invaluable part of this process.
Everyone who reads this book will likely have their own way of conducting EFT and will
bring their own styles and strengths to the model. In the era of brief and briefer therapy, it
is tempting to try to reduce interventions to four or five invariant quick fixes and to teach
therapists in this way. We believe that you do not have to move to a simplistic level to be
efficient and incisive in couple and family therapy. Instead, you must learn to create a safe,
collaborative environment, know how to focus on what matters, and help people work with
the powerful emotional dramas in which they are caught.
There are certain elements of EFT that are very difficult to learn from any printed page.
For example, we find that students of EFT learn about key issues of pacing from watching
their own videotapes of therapy. Often the difference between an experienced EFT therapist
and a novice therapist is not the interventions used, but rather that the more experienced
therapists go more slowly, repeat themselves, and circle again and again through the same
territory until clients can hold a tangible new emotional reality in their hands. The more
experienced therapist knows the emotional process that the couple is engaged in more inti-
mately and can slice risks thin, structuring new responses again and again until powerful
bonding events emerge.
ii
iii Preface
In light of the above, an explicit structure exists to support those who wish to become
registered as EFT couples’ therapists. This structure, which is laid out on the EFT Web site,
includes training, supervision, and case review. EFT is now taught in many graduate pro-
grams in North America and in many other parts of the world. We hope that those who teach
these programs will also find this workbook useful and supportive.
You cannot practice EFT without also using it as a lens for your own relationships and as a
path into your own attachment issues—we all have them. We hope that this book will help you
use this lens in a positive way for your personal and your professional life. Most of all, we hope
you find your journey through this book stimulating, powerful, and emotionally engaging.
This workbook is divided into three sections. Chapters 1 through 3 present a theoretical
overview and summary of interventions. Chapters 4 through 8 describe the treatment process
over the nine steps of EFT and include an ongoing case description. Chapters 9 through 11
address special issues, relationship traumas, and family interventions. The last chapter is a
detailed case review.
SECTION I:
THEORETICAL OVERVIEW AND
SUMMARY OF INTERVENTIONS
1