Are You Your Own Worst Enemy?: The Nine Inner Strengths You Need to Overcome Self-Defeating Tendencies at Work

203 Pages·2007·3.02 MB·English

by  Charles E. Watson

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Are You Your Own
Worst Enemy?
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Are You Your Own
Worst Enemy?
THE NINE INNER STRENGTHS YOU NEED
TO OVERCOME SELF-DEFEATING
TENDENCIES AT WORK
Charles E. Watson and Thomas A. Idinopulos
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LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationData
Watson,CharlesE.
Areyouyourownworstenemy?:thenineinnerstrengthsyouneedto
overcomeself-defeatingtendenciesatwork/CharlesE.Watsonand
ThomasA.Idinopulos.
p. cm.
Includesbibliographicalreferencesandindex.
ISBN978–0–275–99224–8(alk.paper)
1.Organizationalbehavior. 2.Self-management(Psychology)
3.Responsibility. 4.Integrity. 5.Emotionalintelligence.
6. Work—Psychologicalaspects. I.Idinopulos,ThomasA. II.Title.
III.Title:Overcomeself-defeatingtendenciesatwork.
HD58.7.W332 2007
650.1—dc22 2007020619
BritishLibraryCataloguinginPublicationDataisavailable.
Copyright(cid:1)C 2007byCharlesE.WatsonandThomasA.Idinopulos
Allrightsreserved.Noportionofthisbookmaybe
reproduced,byanyprocessortechnique,withoutthe
expresswrittenconsentofthepublisher.
LibraryofCongressCatalogCardNumber:2007020619
ISBN-13:978–0–275–99224–8
Firstpublishedin2007
PraegerPublishers,88PostRoadWest,Westport,CT06881
AnimprintofGreenwoodPublishingGroup,Inc.
www.praeger.com
PrintedintheUnitedStatesofAmerica
Thepaperusedinthisbookcomplieswiththe
PermanentPaperStandardissuedbytheNational
InformationStandardsOrganization(Z39.48–1984).
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
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CONTENTS
Introduction vii
DevelopWhatItTakestoMakeThingsHappen 1
AssumeResponsibility,InitiateAction,Accept
theConsequences
MaketheMostofWhoYouAre 19
UnderstandYourself,AcceptYourself,BeYourself
SharpenYourThinkingSkills 37
SeeBeyondtheObvious,PayAttentiontoYour
Surroundings,AnticipateConsequencesandOutcomes
BetheKindofPersonOthersWanttoBeAround 55
ValueFeelings,TreatOtherswithDignity,Be
anEncourager
BreaktheChainsofMindlessRoutine 77
ExerciseYourImagination,TurnFailuresandMistakes
intoLessons,RiseAboveMediocrity
BecomeanEffectiveLearnerandContinueLearning 99
BeCurious,ReflectonYourObservations,ExposeYour
MindtoNewIdeas
MastertheArtofSelf-Discipline 117
AssessYourActionsHonestly,CauseYourEmotionsto
WorkforYou,LearntoMakeFavorableImpressions
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vi Contents
ActwithIntegrity 139
KnowGoodfromEvil,RightfromWrong,Defeat
Self-Centeredness,PursuetheGoodandRight
Wholeheartedly
BeofServicetoOthers 161
RiseAboveIndifference,HaveanUltimateConcern
ThatGoesBeyondYourSelf,ServeOthersGenerously
Bibliography 181
Index 185
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INTRODUCTION
Who doesn’t want to perform admirably at work and enjoy an ex-
citing career? We all want to move ahead and be rewarded for our
accomplishments. We all want to develop our talents and skills and
berespected.We’dalsoliketofindmeaninginourwork.Buttoday’s
fast-paced, highly competitive world of work is challenging. It isn’t
easytomakeoneselfintoasuperiorperformer.Intruth,mostpeople
donotcomeanywherenearreachingtheirfullpotentialwhenitcomes
to workplace effectiveness. Despite their best intentions and worthy
efforts to improve themselves, many people fall short of being the
superior performers they would like to be. They fall behind others
who actually outperform them. They do not move ahead. They end
upearninglessmoneythantheyfeeltheyareworth.Theirjobsdonot
bring them the satisfaction they crave. What could be the difficulty?
Whatholdspeoplebackfromperformingbetterintheworkplace?
Thetruthisthatfromtimetotimeeveryonewillstumbleoversome
personalflawandfallflatonhisorherface.Weareallvulnerabletoself-
defeating tendencies that can hurt us and hold us back. While others
arethesourceofmuchofthepainandirritationweencounteratwork,
and while circumstances often conspire against us, it is we ourselves
whoareattheheartofourdifficulties.Eventhebestofuswilldothings
nowandthenthatendupmakingussmall,unproductive,dissatisfied.
That’swhywewrotethisbook:toshowsmart,capable,well-meaning
people how their inner tendencies often lead to certain actions that
makethemtheirownworstenemies.Butthisbookdoesnotfocuson
problems alone. It contains practical advice in the form of concrete
examples that illustrate methods all of us can follow to develop the
inner strengths needed to overcome those foibles and frailties that
defeatusintheworkplace.Werecognizetheeconomicrealitiesfaced
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viii Introduction
byworkingpeople,particularlysinglewomenwhoneedanincometo
support a family. Most people are interested in earning more, which
requiresmovingaheadtoimprovetheireconomicsituation.Awordof
cautionisinorder—thisisnotaguideforhowtogetrich.Following
our advice will not guarantee material success, but it should lead you
tobecomeabetterperformerintheworkplace.
To understand better what it is about certain assumptions, atti-
tudes, and behaviors that make them limiting or downright destruc-
tive,weneedtopeerdeeplyintoourhumannatureandconsidermore
fullywhatitmeanstobeeffective,alive,andcompletecontributorsin
theworkplace.Webeginourexplanationbyconsideringtheuniverse
and the tiny space occupied in it by the earth. What should capture
ourspecialattentionhereisthefactthatoursistheonlyplanetwhere
life is known to exist. Life may exist elsewhere and in other forms
beyondourabilitytocomprehend,butasfarasweknowitdoesnot.
We gain an invaluable sense of humility and respect for our human
situation when we recognize that we did not create this thing called
life. We are part of the cosmos but not the center of it. Still, we are
uniqueandausefulpartofouruniverse.Itisbecauseofthesesimple
realities that serious minds regard all life as precious, something of
immense importance and the work of an awesome source of power
andwonderment.Ifwetrulyreverencelifewewilltrytounderstand
whatitspossibilitiesareforourselves.
Life for human beings involves far more than the physiological
processesofbreathing,bloodcirculation,digestion,andreproduction.
Unlikelowerlifeformsthatexistandfunctioninaseeminglyprepro-
grammedwayestablishedbywhatwebelievetobegeneticcodingand
instinct,humanlifeinvolvesmorethanmerephysiology.Humansalso
liveonanotherlevel,inanotherdimension.Theyhavebothanoutside
andaninside—theycanassimilatemorethanjustmoleculesofoxygen
andfood;theycanbechangedbyideasandtheycancreateideasand
objects.Whereasonebirdorplantorfishorinsectofaspeciesisvery
much like the others of that species, we cannot say this of people.
Eachpersonisstrikinglyunique.Eachpersonhasadistinctivecapac-
ity for memory, self-consciousness, thoughtfulness, purposefulness,
affection, and creative expression. The differences that exist between
peoplearisenotsomuchfromwhateachisgivenintermsofphysical
endowments but from what each person does with his or her native
abilities. While some of our uniqueness can be accounted for by our
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Introduction ix
differingphysiologicalattributes,mostofitcomesfromwhatwemake
ofourselves,fromhowwechoosetoshapeourwholepersonality.
Itisworthnotingthateachhumanbeingiscapableofdoingwell
orpoorlywithhisorherself.Humanshavethepowertomakethem-
selves into something admirable or allow themselves to degenerate
into something despicable. Humans are unique in that they are the
onlylivingspecieswiththecapacitytoactinbothself-destructiveand
self-nurturingways,whetherphysical,emotional,orspiritual.Inother
words,humanscanchoosetoactinwaysthatmakethemselveseither
moreorlessfullyhumandependingonhowwelltheyuseordon’tuse
their human capabilities, and whether they develop them or let them
deteriorate. Whereas plants and animals develop into the creatures
they were designed to become from birth, humans have the unique
capacity and opportunity to shape themselves into the personalities
they would like to become. These basic ideas lead to an important
insight: We are self-creating creatures who work with what nature
gives us and we shape ourselves into the persons we are capable of
becoming.
Inthisbookweexaminepatternsofworkplacebehaviorbywhich
people can injure themselves as persons. You will see how humans
can sometimes act in ways that make themselves either less or more
effectivebywhattheybelieveandchoosetodo.Wewillpresentabasic
framework for better understanding what it is that makes humans
what they are, unique creatures with amazing powers of thinking
and feeling, of choosing and creating, of loving and reverencing. The
theme of our book is this: people become their own worst enemy
whenevertheyrefusetoaccepttheirgiftsoflife—thedimensionsthat
compose their humanity. We have come to the conclusion that there
is only one way to accept these gifts of life completely and that is by
acknowledgingthem,usingthem,andperfectingthemtotheirfullest.
We cease being our own worst enemy when we use and nurture our
humanendowments—ourfreewill,ourpowersofthought,ourability
to act, our capacity to love others, our creative impulses, our ability
to improve, our willingness to work, and our capacity to be in awe
of realities greater than ourselves—for the benefit of ourselves and
others.
Weareacutelyawareofthefactthatmanyhumansbehaveinways
thatharmtheirphysicalbodies.Theycanactinunsafeandunhealthful
ways. The devastating effects that alcohol and illegal drug usage have
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x Introduction
onhumanlivesandworkplaceproductivityarewelldocumented.The
overallrateofdrugabuseinAmericais5percentofthepopulation—
and two thirds of these people are employed. An estimated thirteen
million Americans are alcoholics. The cost of alcohol and illicit drug
abuse in the workplace is immense. The Substance Abuse and Men-
talHealthServicesAdministrationreportedin1995that“alcoholand
drugabusecostsU.S.businesses$102billionannuallyinlostproduc-
tivity,incidentsandemployeeturnover.”Onestudyestimatedthatthe
chemically dependent employee is usually less than 75 percent effec-
tive. While we see the obvious—that people destroy their lives and
diminishtheirperformanceintheworkplacebysubstanceabuse—our
bookdoesnotdealwiththeseissues.Therearehighlyqualifiedpeople
trained to deal with substance abuse problems and we seriously urge
those with such problems to get the professional help they need. We
are not qualified to speak on such matters beyond what we have just
suggested. Our book deals not with substance abuse but with philo-
sophicalandpsychologicalmatters—howhumansharmtheiruniquely
humancapacities.
Whyisitthatmanypeople,perhapsmostpeople,areatonetime
or another their own worst enemy? What is it that most keeps them
from accepting, using, and developing their gifts of life, those quali-
tiesthatmakethemtrulyhuman?Thoughtfulobservationwillreveal
theanswer:theystrivetoohardtograspthosethingswhicharecom-
monly thought to be indicators of success—wealth, power, prestige.
We see success as being something different. We define it as doing
good things with whatever abilities a person has. This means master-
ingandthoughtfullyusingone’shumancapabilitiesforpurposesthat
transcendoneself.Weseesuccessoccurringwhenapersonrisesabove
the drive to obtain and feel safe and secure in material objects. The
kind of success we are talking about goes beyond basking in feelings
of smugness and importance from one’s accomplishments and from
having secured the approval of others for having outperformed ev-
eryone else. We see success as being the living of an authentic life,
courageouslystrugglingtodothebestonecanwithhisorhernatural
endowmentsinthecircumstancesheorsheencounters.Anunusually
talented person with gifts of intellect and sharp wit may do better in
termsofpayandrankthansomeoneofonlyaverageintellectandver-
bal ability. Yet the latter person may actually struggle more gallantly
withissuesofrightandwrong,bemoreauthenticininteractionswith