Table Of ContentAMISH VAMPIRES IN SPACE by Kerry Nietz
Published by Marcher Lord Press
3846 Constitution Avenue
Colorado Springs, CO 80909
www.marcherlordpress.com
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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination
or are used fictitiously. Any similarity to actual people, organizations, and/or events is purely coincidental.
Scripture quotations taken from the New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968,
1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.”
(www.Lockman.org)
Cover Designer: Kirk DouPonce
Creative Team: Jeff Gerke, Kate Dunn, Dutch Wolf, Lisa Godfrees
eBook Conversion and Design: Kerry Nietz
Author photo by Christy Boggs
Copyright © 2013 by Kerry Nietz
All rights reserved
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
An application to register this book for cataloging has been filed with the Library of Congress.
International Standard Book Number: 978-1-940163-03-1
To Jeff Gerke and the indomitable authors of
Marcher Lord Press.
Thanks for half a decade of fun and inspiration!
OTHER WRITINGS BY
KERRY NIETZ
FICTION
The DarkTrench Saga:
A Star Curiously Singing
The Superlative Stream
Freeheads
"Graxin" (short story) appearing in Ether Ore
But Who Would Be Brave Dumb Enough To Even Try It?
(contributor)
Mask
NONFICTION
FoxTales: Behind the Scenes at Fox Software
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
First, I’d like to thank Amish aficionado Dutch Wolf for making this book so
much more than it would have been otherwise. He muscled through amidst his
own personal deadlines and difficulties. If there is any authenticity to the Amish
society in this book, it is to his credit. If there are any mistakes or
inconsistencies, blame me.
As always, thanks to our fearless leader, Jeff Gerke, for not only cheering
and inspiring this effort, but for asking the questions that create more work for
me. (And ultimately produce a better book!)
I’d also like to thank fellow Marcher Lords Steve Rzasa and Marc Schooley
for their continued encouragement and friendship. And to Marc in particular,
whose tenacious debating skills planted a seed for this story. He may find
himself a Deacon someday . . .
Thanks to John Otte, who has remained cordial and forgiving, despite
nearly a year of me inadvertently stepping on his toes. Lord bless you, John.
Thanks to my overworked and underappreciated wife, Leah. It would be
impossible to do this without her. Subag!
This novel marks an anniversary for me. A decade ago my first book was
published, so I must praise the Lord here for all He has done during that time.
There is nothing more true: “In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will
make your paths straight.”
FOREWORD
It was March 2010 and Amish fiction was all the rage in Christian publishing.
Entire novelists’ careers were being made in the “bonnet and buggy” genre.
Publishers were telling writers, “If you don’t write Amish, don’t bother
contacting us.” What had seemed like a fad a few years ago was looking more
and more like a subgenre that was here to stay.
And it just cried out for a roasting.
I mean, I’m quite sure that many, maybe most, Amish folks are delightful,
genuine, and dear believers in Christ. But the way Christian fiction readers were
flocking to novels about them, and the way Christian writers and publishers were
all but worshipping them, was perhaps a bit overblown.
I have a theory that the reason Amish fiction and TV shows about
detectives exploded in popularity at the same time was that people were feeling
overwhelmed by the complexities of modern life. They valued detective shows
because detectives are good at seeing through the smoke to what is really
happening, and that helped them feel that their own lives could be made
comprehensible. Similarly, people flocked to Amish fiction because it
represented a simpler, more easily understood way of living.
Whatever the cause, Amish fiction was everywhere, and it sort of frustrated
those of us who didn’t love it.
So I came up with the comical title Amish Vampires in Space to poke fun at
it all. As you can see to the left, I even whipped together a mock cover for my
invented book. If you’ll look closely, you can maybe see the sleeping Amish
vampire in the SF crate—with a nice handmade quilt draped over him.
I made up the author’s name, the series title, and the painfully awesome
book title. Then I showed the cover around to a bunch of my publishing friends,
just for yuks.
Fast-forward to August 2012. One of my Marcher Lord Press authors,
Kerry Nietz, who had already written four novels for me at that point, contacted
me and said that he’d come up with a plot idea for Amish Vampires in Space and
did he have my permission to write that book.
I reserved the right to not publish it until I could read it, but I told him to go
for it. To my surprise, Kerry played the idea straight. Despite the humor implicit
in the title (see, People Who Might Be Mad at Us, we intended this to be funny),
