Table Of Content101 SolutionS
for
Surviving office inSanity
Am I the only
sAne one
working here
?
albert J. bernStein, Ph.D.
New York Chicago San Francisco Lisbon London Madrid Mexico City
Milan New Delhi San Juan Seoul Singapore Sydney Toronto
Copyright © 2009 by Al Bernstein. All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the United
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Contents
Acknowledgments . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .v
Introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .vii
Part 1 Lies and Bullshit . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1
Part 2 Understanding Craziness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25
Part 3 The Rules . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .83
Part 4 Worst-Case Scenarios . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 135
Part 5 Useful Workplace Skills . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 231
Index . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 285
iii
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Acknowledgments
First and Foremost, i’d like to thank the hundreds of people
who, over the years, were almost driven crazy by their jobs until we
figured out what was going on and what to do about it . Their stories
are the basis for this book .
i am grateful also to my agent, Janet rosen, of sheree Bykovsky
and associates, who persuaded me that if i wrote all this stuff down,
people would want to read it, and to my editor, John aherne, who
guided me through this project with high style, an open mind, and a
grand sense of humor .
i am obliged to my sister, Joyce Howell, to mindy ranik, Bob Poole,
Yvonne edes, and donna sherwood, friends, helpers, and muses, who
have graciously shared their ideas, inspiration, and encouragement .
my daughter, Jessica, suddenly an adult, provided invaluable help
with youthful perspective and surprisingly erudite literary criticism .
That college education sure paid off!
Thanks also to the rest of my family, Luahna, Josh, melvin, and
baby Clara, who have put up with my rising before dawn to write and
falling asleep in my chair by dusk .
Last, a pat on the head to molly and mocha, who got up with me
every morning to guard me as i wrote .
v
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Introduction
iF You FeeL ConFused and frustrated by the insanity at your
office, you are not alone . sometimes it seems as if the whole world of
business has gone crazy .
The Ceo is handing out slick-paged reports to the board show-
ing an excellent return on investment, but in your department the
work is piling up and everyone is stressed out because of the hiring
freeze . The network is down, and the people in it aren’t answering
their phones . The guys in sales have made impossible promises to cus-
tomers, and now they’re yelling that it’s your job to deliver . The VP
has called a meeting to improve communications, but you know that
if you say that anything is wrong, the real problem will turn out to be
your attitude .
Your boss, the micromanager, has no idea what she wants but is
absolutely certain that whatever it is, you won’t do it right . The people
in your work group seem to have forgotten the meaning of the word
deadline .
The worst part is that no one with the power to do anything seems
to notice, much less care .
each day, you try your best to get some work done, but the woman
in the next cube is screeching at her kids on the phone, and the guy
behind you keeps popping his head up to tell you what he saw on tV
vii
viii Introduction
last night . another staff meeting starts in ten minutes . meanwhile,
you have 736 unread e-mails in your in-box, 700 of which have noth-
ing to do with you .
You stare blankly at your screen and wonder, “am i the only sane
person working here?”
The secret to preserving your sanity lies in how well you under-
stand the craziness going on around you .
When you pay close attention, you can see that the crazy situ-
ations at work, like all other human behaviors, follow predictable
patterns . The patterns are not rational, in that they often operate at
cross- purposes from getting the job done efficiently and well, but that
doesn’t mean that they make no sense . if you understand the patterns,
you can make choices about whether to follow them . The choices you
make can keep you sane .
all the behavior patterns discussed in this book are interactive .
This means that when things get crazy, you may not be able to control
the situation, but you can control how you respond to it . How you
react can keep things from getting crazier . Your internal responses,
how you think and feel, and your actions, what you say and do, will
determine how much damage the general insanity does to you . if you
understand what is going on, you can keep the craziness from bother-
ing you, you can keep things from getting worse, and sometimes you
can even make them better .
This book outlines 101 difficult and crazy-making people and situ-
ations that you are likely to encounter at work . The scenarios range
from dealing with irritating coworkers like liars, slackers, bullshitters,
control freaks, and passive-aggressives, to surviving worst-case sce-
narios like getting chewed out, facing a bad review, or the chance of
being laid off for political reasons . There are also short pieces on orga-
nizational psychology and philosophy that may help you to understand
the reasons for corporate behaviors that don’t seem to make rational
sense . each scenario stands by itself with clear, concise explanations
about what is going on and what you can think, do, and say to survive
with your reason and your job intact . You may choose to read them
Introduction ix
straight through in order, or use the titles or the index to find the ones
that are most relevant to you .
You may not be able to stop the insanity at your office, but with a
little help you may be able to keep it from driving you crazy also . You
have considerably more power and control than you think . This book
will show you how to use it .
