Alone Together: Making an Asperger Marriage Work

132 Pages·2007·0.41 MB·English

by  Katrin Bentley

Alone Together
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Alone Together
Making an Asperger Marriage Work
Katrin Bentley
Foreword by Tony Attwood
Jessica Kingsley Publishers
London and Philadelphia
Firstpublishedin2007
byJessicaKingsleyPublishers
116PentonvilleRoad
LondonN19JB,UK
and
400MarketStreet,Suite400
Philadelphia,PA19106,USA
www.jkp.com
Copyright©KatrinBentley2007
Forewordcopyright©TonyAttwood2007
Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthispublicationmaybereproducedinanymaterialform(including
photocopyingorstoringitinanymediumbyelectronicmeansandwhetherornottransientlyor
incidentallytosomeotheruseofthispublication)withoutthewrittenpermissionofthe
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writtenpermissiontoreproduceanypartofthispublicationshouldbeaddressedtothepublisher.
Warning:Thedoingofanunauthorisedactinrelationtoacopyrightworkmayresultinbotha
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LibraryofCongressCataloginginPublicationData
Bentley,Katrin,1960-
Alonetogether:makinganAspergermarriagework/KatrinBentley;forewordbyTony
Attwood.
p.cm.
ISBN-13:978-1-84310-537-4(pbk.)
1. Bentley,Gavin.2. Bentley,Katrin,1960-3. Asperger'ssyndrome--Patients--Biography.4.
Asperger'ssyndrome--Patients--Familyrelationships.5. Peoplewithmentaldisabilities--Marriage.
I.Title.
RC553.A88B462007
362.196'8588320092--dc22
[B]
2006101868
BritishLibraryCataloguinginPublicationData
ACIPcataloguerecordforthisbookisavailablefromtheBritishLibrary
ISBN9781843105374
ISBNpdfeBook:9781846426230
PrintedandboundinGreatBritainby
AthenaeumPress,Gateshead,TyneandWear
Contents
FOREWORDBYTONYATTWOOD 7
PREFACE 9
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS 11
THECACTUSANDTHEROSE 13
1. Becoming Aware of Asperger’s Syndrome 17
2. Meeting the Handsome Stranger 22
3. The Wedding 25
4. The First Real Argument: I Married You
for Fun, Not for Problems 27
5. Travelling to Australia: The White Board 33
(cid:1)
6. The Honeymoon: Rigid Thinking 35
7. Sexuality, Intimacy and Love 38
8. Making Friends 46
9. Starting a Family: Empathy and Theory
of Mind 52
10. Babies and New Mothers are Unpredictable:
Coping with Change 55
11. Arguments Need to be Resolved: Being
Married to a Non-Communicator 59
12. A Family Requires Teamwork 64
13. The ‘Girlfriend’ 66
14. Dealing with Sickness: Associative Thinking
Causes Stress 70
(cid:1)
15. The Car Accident: Dizzy Spells can be Fatal 78
16. Being There in Body but Not in Soul: Alone
Together 82
17. The Energy Theory: My Way of Dealing with
Tantrums 86
18. Bringing up Champions: How to Handle
Criticism 93
19. A Good Day Turns Bad in a Matter of
Seconds: How We Fix Arguments 99
20. How a Diagnosis Helps: Resources and
Opportunities for Improving the Relationship 104
21. The Stress Factor: Understanding Each Other 108
22. Our Life Today 114
EPILOGUEBYGAVINBENTLEY 117
USEFULCONTACTSANDFURTHERREADING 119
Foreword
WhenKatrinBentleymetandfellinlovewithGavinshehadnoideathat
hisunusualandinitiallyendearingandeccentricpersonalitywasasignof
Asperger’sSyndrome.Soonaftertheyweremarried, however,sherecog-
nized that there were going to be major problems in the relationship.
Katrin’s initial optimism that Gavin would become more motivated and
abletosocialize,anddevelopgreaterempathyandabilitytosatisfyKatrin’s
needforaffectionandintimacy,graduallydissolvedintodespairthatthese
abilitieswerenotgoingtobeachievedeasily,ifatall.Aftermanyyearsof
theirtryingtounderstandeachotherandadjusttoverydifferentrelation-
ship needs, there was a revelation – Gavin had the classic signs of
Asperger’s Syndrome.
At last there was an explanation for Gavin’s personality, abilities and
behaviour and Katrin’s loneliness and frustration. With this knowledge
came a dramatic change in the quality of the relationship. Katrin discov-
eredstrategies,basedonherincreasingunderstandingof thecharacteris-
tics of Asperger’s Syndrome, to make an Asperger marriage work. As she
statestowardstheendofherbook,‘Afterallthoseyearswefinallyhavethe
relationship I always longed for’.
By nature, Katrin is an optimistic person who is resourceful,
determined and loyal. She is also a teacher, and her book will teach you
how to have a successful relationship with someone who has Asperger’s
Syndrome.Iknowthatmanyrelationshipswillberescuedbyreadingher
explanationsandapplyingheradvice.Thisbookcouldchangeyourrela-
tionship and your life.
TonyAttwood
March2007
7