Table Of Content50 Ways to Create Great Relationships
How to Stop Taking
and Start Giving
By
Steve Chandler
50 Ways to Create Great Relationships. Copyright © 2000,
2004 by Steve Chandler. All rights reserved. No part of this
eBook may be reproduced or copied in any form
without permission from the publisher, Maurice Bassett:
[email protected]
ISBN 0-9760402-7-1
Published by Maurice Bassett Publishing
http://www.ReinventingYourself.com
Electronic Books by Steve Chandler
http://www.SteveChandler.com
Cover art by Cheryl Finbow
Text and cover art provided by The Career Press, Inc.
This eBook is for personal, non-commercial use only, and is
not for resale.
Technical or other questions may be directed to
[email protected] or 1-800-616-9498.
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For Kathy
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Acknowledgments
I want to thank: Steve Hardison for teaching me everything I know that
led to everything I wrote in this book; Lyndon Duke for consultation on
making a difference; Fred Knipe for all the many transformative
suggestions; Kathryn Eimers for the elements of sense and style; Bob
Croft for producing an audience; Nathaniel Branden for the psychology;
Colin Wilson for the philosophy; Lindsay Brady for the gift of perception;
Darlene Brady for the business sense; Jim Brannigan for the
representation; Ron Fry for Career Press; Stacey A. Farkas for the expert
editing; Leah Be for introducing me to Lyndon; Scott Richardson for the
ongoing ideas and encouragement; Dennis Deaton for playing Martin to
my Lewis on the road; Dale Dauten for the great columns and friendship;
Michael Bassoff for the relation-shift; Terry Hill for the letters from France;
Bill Eimers for making the introduction of the century; Stephanie Chandler
for working the Net; John Shade for the best poem ever written; and
Spider Hole for the music.
And last but not least, a tremendous acknowledgment to my dear Dr.
Merlin F. Ludiker for the gift of humor. (Ludiker, like Quixote or Pickwick,
ventures into fields he does not belong in. And his innocence and
enthusiasm for "faking his way in" are characteristic of an inverse heroism
that causes us to laugh for joy. His attempts to look good are absurd, and
his attempts to cover his tracks elegantly reveal the foolishness of our
own lives wasted by trying to live up to other people's expectations.)
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We will now discuss in a little more
detail the Struggle for Existence.
-Charles Darwin, The Origin of Species
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Contents
Introduction 10
1 Use the Element of Surprise 13
2 Turn Your Light On 16
3 Lose Your Self 20
4 Think as a Creator 23
5 Commit an Assault 26
6 Release Your Butterflies 28
7 Magnetize Yourself 31
8 Break Someone Up 32
9 Create a Friend 34
10 Give the Gift of Silence 38
11 Rise Above Yourself 40
12 Stop Changing Other People 43
13 Learn to Do Picasso's Trick 47
14 Bring It With You When You Come 52
15 Be a Dream Hunter 54
16 Cure Your Intention Deficit Disorder 57
17 Satisfy a Deep Craving 60
18 Relax With Money 63
19 Think and Thank 66
20 Shift Your Gears 68
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21 Use Your Best Weapon 71
22 Be a Servant 74
23 Astonish Someone 79
24 Throw Out a Safety Net 82
25 Climb Your Ladder 84
26 Be Your Commitment 88
27 Become a Problem 90
28 Lift People Up 94
29 Act the Part 96
30 Build the Love In 98
31 Do the Thing 99
32 Try to Understand 101
33 Don't Take a Person Personally 104
34 Celebrate Your Independence 106
35 Make a Difference 110
36 Reveal Yourself 115
37 Take Your Time 118
38 Live Your Life Forward 123
39 Give It Away to Keep It 125
40 Think Skill 127
41 Eliminate Preoccupation 129
42 Eliminate Prejudice 131
43 Get Engaged 133
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44 Listen Creatively 135
45 Just Be Straight 137
46 Jump Into Action 139
47 Turn Inside Out 141
48 Learn to Say No 146
49 Create Your Voice 150
50 Give from the Spirit 153
Index 156
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Introduction
How to Handle a Woman
remember as a boy going to New York City to see the Broadway
musical Camelot, and I remember Richard Burton singing a song about
the wisdom he, as King Arthur, had received from Merlin, his wizard.
The song, by Rodgers and Hammerstein, was called "How to Handle
a Woman." As a teenage boy I had more than a passing interest in the
subject, and I was spellbound by the quiet, dramatic ballad. I remember
the song ending with the king singing that the way to handle a woman
was to "love her. Simply love her. Merely love her." I was young but I
remember that the formula sounded simple enough, and I don't know why
I didn't just adopt it right then and there for all relationships in life,
because it would have saved me a lot of unnecessary trouble.
It took me many years after seeing that play to get that formula back,
but when I did, powerful things began to happen.
As I grew older and began to make my living teaching seminars,
realized that almost all of us forget to use this effective process. We end
up having difficulty in even the simplest relationships because we do not
use it.
For "how to handle a woman" is also how to handle a teenage son
and how to handle a customer and how to handle a business partner and,
finally, how to handle any relationship.
But where we often seem to go wrong is in misunderstanding the
mechanics of love itself. Because we associate love with feelings and
because we associate the absence of love with feelings, we turn the
whole idea of relationships into a "feelings" thing. Even (and especially) in
the workplace. And that is our first mistake.
Because love is not a feeling. Love is a creation, and, therefore, love
comes from the spirit. It comes from the highest part of every human
being and it asks that we access our greatest powers of imagination. As
writer Emmet Fox says, "Love is always creative and fear is always
destructive. "
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