Table Of ContentADVANCE PRAISE FOR WHOLE AGAIN
“In Whole Again, Jackson MacKenzie lays open some of his own personal
wounds to advise on how scars from past traumas can heal. He describes how
development of a ‘protective self’ can provide acute, numbing relief from
emotional pain, but at the expense of more enduring self-acceptance. MacKenzie
addresses codependency, addiction, post-traumatic stress, and borderline,
narcissistic, and other personality disorders, outlining pathways to achieve
forgiveness and discharging shame. This book may help fill in the holes that can
make you whole again.”
—Jerold Kreisman, MD, coauthor of I Hate You—Don’t Leave Me
“Jackson’s book is an empathetic gem of true knowing. Dismantling the effects
of trauma can be a daunting undertaking. Whole Again is a compassionate guide.
It takes your hand and encourages you to keep going, prompting you to build a
power base of self-discovery that takes you home to yourself. All true healing
happens within, which in turn offers you the miracle of hope.”
—Sarah Brassard, author of Inside
“In Whole Again, Jackson MacKenzie has synthesized the important basic
principles and tools of healing and writes in a style that is both warm and
articulate. Whole Again offers a good starting point for those not yet ready for
therapy or in conjunction with therapy. It is almost impossible to deal effectively
on your own with the effects of trauma and abuse, but having a supportive
community and using the simple tools in this book can help you begin the
journey toward healing.”
—Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT)
and author of Wired for Love and We Do
“Accessible, profound, and inspiring, the wisdom of Whole Again guides us
inward to uncover deeply buried feelings and undigested pain that, left
unaddressed, prevent us from experiencing our wholeness. Through consistent
and cumulative practices, Jackson offers us a powerful, heart-centered, program
that helps us heal, inhabit our lives more fully, and remember our wholeness.”
—Jillian Pransky, author of Deep Listening
“Jackson MacKenzie so lovingly and transparently delves deeply into the trauma
and sorrow that can stand in between us and our real selves. This
groundbreaking, must-read book brilliantly and compassionately illuminates the
path to healing. It is soul work at its finest.”
—Avery Neal, MA, LPC, author of If He’s So Great, Why Do I Feel So Bad?
“A powerful and moving force for good, Whole Again is grounded in the
author’s own research and deep, knowing wisdom. Everyone should have this
book on their shelf.”
—Erin Falconer, author of How to Get Sh*t Done and co-owner of pickthebrain.com
“I’ve read many books over the years about recovery from abuse, both self-help
and clinical, and Whole Again is definitely one of the best. Though not a
therapist himself, Mr. MacKenzie has done his homework. His descriptions of
personality styles and disorders are not only accurate but also understandable.
The book is filled with practical, well-researched, and well-organized
suggestions to aid the recovery process. It’s clear that Jackson MacKenzie cares
deeply about the unique sensitivities of each reader. I love this book.”
—Catherine McCall, MS, (ret.) LMFT, author of the international bestseller Never Tell
“This is a great book for recovering from any trauma or difficult relationship,
including relationships with Cluster-B personalities. As Jackson MacKenzie
says, it’s not what you think—it’s what you feel. To thoroughly understand what
that means, read this book. With this powerful information, anyone can become
whole again.”
—Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq., author of 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life
An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC
penguinrandomhouse.com
Copyright © 2019 by Jackson MacKenzie
Penguin supports copyright. Copyright fuels creativity, encourages diverse voices, promotes
free speech, and creates a vibrant culture. Thank you for buying an authorized edition of this
book and for complying with copyright laws by not reproducing, scanning, or distributing
any part of it in any form without permission. You are supporting writers and allowing
Penguin to continue to publish books for every reader.
TarcherPerigee with tp colophon is a registered trademark of Penguin Random House LLC.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: MacKenzie, Jackson, author.
Title: Whole again : healing your heart and rediscovering your true self after toxic
relationships and emotional abuse / Jackson MacKenzie; foreword by Shannon Thomas.
Description: New York : TarcherPerigee, 2019.
Identifiers: LCCN 2018053138| ISBN 9780143133315 (paperback) | ISBN 9780525505082
(ebook)
Subjects: LCSH: Self-actualization (Psychology) | Self. | Interpersonal relations. | BISAC:
PSYCHOLOGY / Interpersonal Relations. | SELF-HELP Personal Growth Self-Esteem.
Classification: LCC BF637.S4 M264 2019 | DDC 155.2--dc23 LC record available at
https://lccn.loc.gov/2018053138
Neither the publisher nor the author is engaged in rendering professional advice or services
to the individual reader. The ideas, procedures, and suggestions contained in this book are
not intended as a substitute for consulting with your physician. All matters regarding your
health require medical supervision. Neither the author nor the publisher shall be liable or
responsible for any loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or suggestion in
this book.
Version_1
Dedicated to
Granddad and Uncle Win
CONTENTS
ADVANCE PRAISE FOR WHOLE AGAIN
TITLE PAGE
COPYRIGHT
DEDICATION
FOREWORD
THE FEELING IN MY HEART
INTRODUCTION: FRACTURE
PART 1: TOOLS
Daily Practice
Mindfulness
Personal Responsibility
Unconditional Love
Finding Unconditional Love
PART 2: IDENTIFYING THE PROTECTIVE SELF
Looking for Patterns
Your Protective Self
The Perfectionist
The Protective Self
Conversation with Sarah
The Cluster-B Abuse Survivor
The Protective Self
It’s Not About You
But Why Did They Hurt Me?
What If They’re Not Cluster B?
But We Were So in Love
Conversation with Mel
Conversation with Elliot
Codependent
The Protective Self
People Pleasing Doesn’t Work
The Drama Triangle
Guilt for Having Emotions
Conversation with Tony
C-PTSD
The Protective Self
Undoing Blame-Shifting
How to Win Against an Abuser?
C-PTSD or Borderline?
Conversation with Anna
Avoidant
The Protective Self
Conversation with a Therapist
Borderline
The Protective Self
The Borderline Cycle of Oversharing and Rejection
The Favorite Person
Romanticizing Mental Illness
Conversation with Linda
Other Protective Selves
PART 3: DECONSTRUCTING THE PROTECTIVE SELF
Beyond Numbness
Avoidant and Numbness
BPD and Numbness
External to Internal
Cluster-B Abuse Survivor and Internal Focus
Perfectionist and Internal Focus
Resentment
Codependent and Resentment
Intentional Triggers
BPD and Intentional Triggers
The Box
Fear: Anxiety and Depression
The Core Wound
PART 4: RESOLVING THE CORE WOUND
Just Stay
Toxic Shame
Avoidant and Toxic Shame
Self-Doubt
Cluster-B Survivor and Self-Doubt
Self-Forgiveness
Cluster-B Survivor and Self-Forgiveness
Forgiveness
Beyond Victimhood
Codependency and Forgiveness
BPD and Forgiveness
Cluster-B Abuse Survivor and Forgiveness
Boundaries
Codependents, Avoidants, and Boundaries
Cluster-B Abuse Survivor and Boundaries
BPD and Boundaries
Changing Life
Codependents and Changing Life
Cluster-B Survivor and Changing Life
BPD and Changing Life
C-PTSD and Changing Life
Shifting from a Dual to Non-Dual Perspective
Letting Go of Separation
Whole Again
AFTERWORD: ANGEL
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Description:From a leading voice on recovering from toxic relationships, a deeply insightful guide to getting back to your "old self" again—in order to truly heal and move on.Jackson MacKenzie has helped millions of readers in their struggle to understand the experience of toxic relationships. His first book,
