The Story of God: A Biblical Comedy About Love (And Hate)

115 Pages·2015·0.69 MB·English

by  Chris Matheson

ADVANCE PRAISE FOR THE STORY OF GOD
“Part Kurt Vonnegut, part Douglas Adams, but let’s be honest, Matheson had me
at ‘Based on the Bible.’”
—Dana Gould, comedian and former writer and producer for The Simpsons
“It isn’t easy being God, as this book makes quite clear. It’s a full-time job and
any screwups can haunt you for an eternity. What Life of Brian did for Jesus, The
Story of God may do for the Father … or the Son, or the Holy Ghost … It
humanizes the poor guy, which, after all, is appropriate since he was created in
the image of man.”
—Lawrence M. Krauss, director of the Origins Project at Arizona State
University and author of The Physics of Star Trek and A Universe from Nothing
“Matheson punctures the pretensions of organized religion with unremitting
hilarity.”
—Jerry Coyne, author of Why Evolution Is True and Faith versus Fact: Why
Science and Religion Are Incompatible
“Half the people who read this book will laugh out loud, certain Chris Matheson
is a twisted comic genius; the other half will laugh silently, equally certain that
Chris will spend eternity writhing in hell.”
—Ed Solomon, screenwriter of Men in Black
“The Story of God is an original, funny, and devastating book.”
—Jay Phelan, coauthor of Mean Genes
“If there is a God who wrote the Bible, when he reads this he’s going to wonder
why his editors didn’t point out all the problems in his text before publication.
Brilliant and irreverent.”
—Michael Shermer, publisher of Skeptic magazine, monthly columnist for
Scientific American, author of The Moral Arc
“At times the story Matheson tells of God is not just funny, but laugh out loud
funny. It’s thought provoking too. I loved it!”
—John W. Loftus, author of Why I Became an Atheist and The Outsider Test for
Faith
“This is the version of the bible Gutenberg should have printed. Only difference
is, it’s much more fun. Hilarious. Irreverent. Timeless.”
—Peter Boghossian, author of A Manual for Creating Atheists

Pitchstone Publishing Durham, North Carolina www.pitchstonepublishing.com
Copyright © 2015 by Chris Matheson All rights reserved Printed in the USA 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination
or are used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events, locales,
organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Matheson, Chris.
The story of God : a biblical comedy about love (and hate) / Chris Matheson.
pages ; cm
ISBN 978-1-63431-024-6 (hardcover) 1. God—Attributes—Fiction. I. Title.
PS3613.A8262S76 2015
813’.6—dc23
2015015018
To S
Based on a true story the Bible
Glossary
Gen.—Genesis
Ex.—Exodus
Lev.—Leviticus
Num.—Numbers
Deut.—Deuteronomy
Josh.—Joshua
Jud.—Judges
1 K.—I Kings
2 K.—II Kings
1 Sam.—I Samuel
2 Sam.—II Samuel
Isa.—Isaiah
Jere.—Jeremiah
Ezek.—Ezekiel
Mal.—Malachi
Hos.—Hosea
Mic.—Micah
Jon.—Jonah
Prov.—Proverbs
Song—Song of Songs
Ecc. - Ecclesiastes
Job—Book Of Job
Mat.—Matthew
Mar.—Mark
Lu.—Luke
Jo.—John
Ac.—Acts
Ephes.—Ephesians
Rom.—Romans
Gal.—Galatians
Esd.—Esdras
Rev.—Revelations
(Thom.—Thomas; apocryphal)
PART I