The Bully at Work: What You Can Do to Stop the Hurt and Reclaim Your Dignity on the Job

288 Pages·2009·2.89 MB·English

by  Gary Namie

The Bully at Work
Second Edition
What You Can Do to Stop the Hurt and Reclaim Your
Dignity on the Job

Gary Namie, PhD
and Ruth Namie, PhD
Copyright © 2000, 2003, 2009 by Gary Namie and Ruth Namie
Cover and internal design copyright © 2009 by Sourcebooks, Inc.
Cover design © Noelle Stransky © Workplace Bullying Institute
Internal images © Workplace Bullying Institute
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data for the first edition:
Namie, Gary
The bully at work: what you can do to stop the hurt and reclaim your dignity on
the job / Gary Namie, Ruth Namie.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
1. Bullying in the workplace. I. Namie, Ruth. II. Title.
HF5549.5.E43 N348 2000
650.1’3—dc21
00-024737

Printed and bound in the United States of America
VP 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
In memory of Lillian and Florence and to Pat,
the three women who always gave unconditional love and support.
In memory of Heinz Leymann and Andrea Adams, pioneers.

Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or
strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing
each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples
build a current which can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and
injustice.
—Robert F. Kennedy
Disclaimer
Dear Reader:
This book contains information, suggestions, and opinions about improving the
quality of people’s lives from the authors. The use, misuse, understanding, or
misunderstanding of the material, in whole or part, is the sole responsibility of
the reader.
Neither the publisher nor authors assume responsibility or liability, jointly or
individually, to any person, group, organization, or entity regarding any
emotional or material loss, damage, or injury caused or alleged to be caused
directly or indirectly by the information contained in this book. The authors do
not represent themselves as licensed psychologists or mental health
professionals.
Readers are advised to use this material in a safe and logical manner. In some
cases, this material is most effective when used in conjunction with professional
legal and/or counseling services.
Table of Contents
Acknowledgments
Preface
Introduction
Section One: The Workplace Bullying Phenomenon: Silent Epidemic
1. Bullying at Work
2. Understanding Bullies
3. Targethood: An Undeserved Burden
4. The Irreconcilable Difference
5. Witness Paralysis
6. Help from Family and Professionals
7. Getting Ready to Confront
Section Two: After the Assault, Restoring the Lost You
8. Work Trauma: Understand the Injuries Done to You
9. Assess the Bully’s Impact
10. Establish and Protect Personal Boundaries
11. Avoid Unattainable Standards
12. Counter Your Inner Critic
13. Control Destructive Mind Games
14. Escape the Trap of Self-Blame
15. Satisfy Your Needs and Wants
16. Anger and Shame: Emotions of Bullying
Section Three: What Can One Person Do?
17. Make Yourself Safe
18. Facing the Future
Section Four: Making Employers Responsible
19. The World Declares War on Bullying
20. America Wakes Up
Appendix A: U.S. Workplace Bullying Survey —September 2007
Appendix B: Employer and Co-worker Response Survey —Labor Day 2008
Bibliography
Index
The Drs. Namie: North American Workplace Bullying Pioneers
Acknowledgments
Some of the most beautiful things in Nature are the giant sequoia and redwood
trees that grow in Ruth’s native California. Nature, in her wisdom, only allows
new growth of these trees to come from destruction of the seed pod by fire. It
was through personal destruction and pain that our cause was born.
At the top of the list to thank are the thousands of anonymous people who
visit with us virtually at the website or by telephone to share their stories, seek
advice, or look for support. They, in turn, launched the Workplace Bullying
Institute, the U.S. anti-bullying movement, with their sacrifices.
Friend and ally David Yamada, Suffolk University law professor, is the legal
pioneer whose treatise on workplace bullying in 2000 launched the legal reform
aspect of our work. He authored the language for the Healthy Workplace Bill
introduced in state legislatures throughout America. We are also blessed by the
friendship of overseas experts who encourage the introduction of bullying
awareness to the United States—Andy Ellis, Susan Marais-Steinman, Michael
Sheehan, Charlotte Rayner, Helge Hoel, and Ståle Einarsen—and domestic
academicians Loraleigh Keashly and Joel Neuman. The growing group of citizen
lobbyist volunteers who comprise the WBI-Legislative Campaign Coordinators
inspire and motivate us constantly.
We especially acknowledge Cindy Waitt, director of the Waitt Institute for
Violence Prevention, for support including sponsorship of the first national
scientific prevalence poll—the 2007 WBI-Zogby U.S. Workplace Bullying
Survey—and the national project to demonstrate that reducing adult bullying in
schools creates an anti-abusive climate for everyone so learning can occur.
Thanks to the Sourcebooks team who embraced the anti-bullying movement
and have published three editions of this book.
We acknowledge the support of those closest and dearest to our hearts, sons
Rob, Sean, and Macario.
Finally, thanks for the steadfast love from Ike Namie. He made WBI and all
the dreams possible.
Preface
Life for the Namies changed in 1996 when Dr. Ruth ran into a horrific woman
supervisor as an employee in a psychiatric clinic. In her life before completing a
PhD in clinical psychology and specializing in chemical dependency treatment,
Ruth had been a corporate training director, management consultant, and retail
manager. Gary (PhD, social psychology) was a professor at several universities,
the director of two corporate training departments, and a management
consultant.
The couple’s fight for justice began in 1998 with the founding of the
Campaign Against Workplace Bullying. The nonprofit organization morphed
during its first decade into the Workplace Bullying Institute, which serves
Americans and Canadians. The accomplishments of which we are most proud
are that we imported the British term “workplace bullying” to the United States,
started the national dialogue, and sustain it in more ways than originally
imagined.
Research—data from empirical surveys and over 5,000 intensive interviews—
distinguishes WBI from well-intentioned newcomers to the fight against
bullying. Surveys started with a modest set of questions in 1998, growing to the
national scientific survey conducted with partner Zogby International, and
continuing with state-of-the-art descriptive empirical studies, scientific
conference presentations, and publications in peer-reviewed academic journals.
Interviews began when we offered toll-free advice starting in 1998. Financial
complications from the practice compelled its termination, but we learned much
of what we know from those who shared their suffering.
The Namies educate the public. Their bullying-related research and work have
been featured numerous times on network TV—CNBC, The Today Show, Good
Morning America, The Early Show, Nightline, CNN—on local TV, and in the
national press—New York Times, Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, San
Francisco Chronicle, Chicago Tribune, Wall Street Journal, National Post,
Financial Post, Toronto Star, Maclean’s—and radio across the United States and