Teenage Guys: Exploring Issues Adolescent Guys Face and Strategies to Help Them

322 Pages·2006·3.38 MB·English

by  Steven Gerali

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Teenage Guys: Exploring Issues Adolescent Guys Face and Strategies to Help Them
Adobe® Acrobat® eBook Reader® format
Copyright © 2006 by Steve Gerali
Youth Specialties products, 300 South Pierce Street, El Cajon, CA 92020 are published by
Zondervan, 5300 Patterson Avenue Southeast, Grand Rapids, MI 49530.
ISBN: 0-310-66983-9
Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible: New
International Version (North American Edition). Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International
Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval
system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy,
recording, or any other (except for brief quotations in printed reviews)—without the prior
permission of the publisher.
Web site addresses listed in this book were current at the time of publication. Please
contact Youth Specialties via e-mail ([email protected]) to report URLs that are no
longer operational and replacement URLs if available.
Creative Team: Dave Urbanski, Laura Gross, Heather Haggerty, Janie Wilkerson,
and Mark Novelli
Cover design by Burnkit
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Thanks to the Azusa Pacifi c University Men’s Chorale and director Harold
Clousing for letting me tag along on tour. You guys provided great insight: talking,
being honest, sharing your stories, and being the men of God he’s made you to be.
I pray God makes you wise men. You guys are great!
Thanks to the Azusa Pacifi c University Men’s Soccer Team and coach Phil Wolf.
Being the team chaplain has really blessed my life. I’ve loved watching you guys
become men of integrity. Your ambition to win the prize Christ sets before you—
more than just winning the game—is what makes you strong men.
Thank you Pete and Marianne Gerali. I can say with confi dence that this book
would not have been written without your generosity and hospitality. You provided
the perfect writing environment.
To Rosa Sabatino, my scribe. Thank you for the work you did to make this happen.
It was a long journey, but it’s completed. I didn’t forget!
Thanks to my D-group: Brian Belting, Craig Thompson, Eddie Bernhardt, Nathan
Sautter, Scott Ingersoll, and Seth Van Essen. I love you guys—you are the best
“sons” a man could ever have.
Finally, this book about guys is dedicated to the beautiful girls in my life: my
daughters, Andrea and Alison, who help me keep things in perspective. Adore is
too weak a word for what I feel for you two. And to my wife, Jan—my friend, my
love, and my partner. Many teenage guys have become great men who walk with
Jesus because of you.
—Steve Gerali
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CONTENTS
Adolescent Guys: Never a Dull Moment
Section 1: Male Adolescence
1.1 Understanding Male Adolescence 18
Storm and Stress of Male Adolescence 19
Age Ranges Within Adolescence 22
Developmental Tasks 25
A Holistic Approach to Adolescence 26
1.2 What Guys Need 31
Section 2: The Teenage Guy’s Body (Physical Development)
2.1 The Male Body 40
Adolescent Guys Are Very Body Conscious 41
Fascination with Function 42
When Puberty Strikes 43
Manifestations of Male Puberty 45
2.2 Secondary Sex Characteristics 47
The Growth Spurt 51
2.3 Primary Sex Characteristics 60
The Time Has Come… 61
Internal Reproductive Development 66
Section 3: The Teenage Guy’s Sexuality (Sexual Identity Development)
3.1 Guys and Sex 74
Testosterone: Superhuman Hormone or Poison Potion? 74
Identity and Messages of Virility 79
Sex on the Brain 90
Sex as a Rite of Passage 92
3.2 Guys and Homosexuality 95
For Clarity’s Sake 97
Getting on the Same Page 97
Understand the Dilemma 99
Coming Out 101
Acts of Desperation 103
Destructive Behavior 105
Helping a Homosexual Teenage Guy 106
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Section 4: The Teenage Guy’s Emotions (Emotional Development)
4.1 Emotional Myths that Infl uence Guys 112
Emotional Development 114
Myths about Emotions 115
4.2 Emotionally Abandoned Guys 124
Being a Father to the Fatherless 124
Practical Theology 126
4.3 Anger, Depression, and Suicide 136
The Triple Jeopardy Effect 136
Depression 140
Suicide 145
Why Do Teenage Guys Attempt and Commit Suicide? 146
4.4 Aggression and Violence 153
Raising Cain 156
Emotional and Psychological Problems 162

Section 5: The Teenage Guy’s Mind (Intellectual Development)
5.1 A Guy’s Brain 166
Brain Growth 166
Communication and Brain Difference 171
Spatial Function 174
Other “Guy Brain” Functions 175
5.2 From Concrete to Idealism 177
Stage #1—Concrete 177
Stage #2—Abstract 182
Stage #3—Ideal 188
5.3 Learning Problems 191
Detecting a Learning Problem 194
Ministry and Mentoring Tips 195

Section 6: The Teenage Guy’s Family and Friends (Social Development)
6.1 Male Identity Development 200
Biological Factors 201
Masculine Identity Theory 202
Father Wound 206
Personal Identity 207
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6.2 How Relationships Shape Guys 211
Task #1—Identity Development 212
Task #2—Intimacy Development 214
6.3 Guys and Family 233
You Can’t Choose Your Relatives 234
Guys and Fathers 235
Guys and Mothers 243
6.4 Rites of Passage: Blessing 249
The Importance of Rites of Passage 251
Section 7: The Teenage Guy’s Spirituality (Faith Formation)
7.1 Spirituality 260
Spirituality and Masculinity 261
Spirituality Isn’t Male or Female 266
Faith Formation 267
Archetypes of Faith Formation 270
Stages of Spiritual Development 271
Guys Have Spiritual Needs 277
Appendix A: More on Guys’ Physiology 279
Appendix B: Physical Problems Adolescent Guys Face 285
Appendix C: Guys and Sexually Transmitted Diseases 301
Notes
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INTRODUCTION
ADOLESCENT GUYS:
NEVER A DULL MOMENT
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TEENAGEGUYS
I’m sitting on a plane heading back to my home in
Los Angeles. I’ve just completed researching this
book, and it’s been an adventure of a lifetime.
All my life I’ve been in youth ministry. The peo-
ple who know me would say my forte is mentoring
and developing boys into men. But despite my expe-
rience and abilities, I thought it would be advanta-
geous to get a fresh, hands-on, intimate, and contem-
porary perspective into the hearts and lives of some
young men.
With notebook in hand, I went on tour with the
Azusa Pacifi c University Men’s Chorale for two
weeks. I boarded the bus with 65 guys, ages 18 to
22, because I wanted to engage in a fi rsthand experi-
ence—without retreat—of being “one of the guys.”
As they pushed, shoved, and wrestled their way onto
the bus, part of me began to wonder if I would sur-
vive this research project. (I couldn’t remember be-
ing in such a confi ned space with so much testoster-
one since my own college days.) Yet another part of
me resonated with excitement over this adventure.
The men in this chorale group had ambitions to
become godly men, and my goal for our time togeth-
er was to hear their hearts. Godly men—those pow-
erful, culturally loaded words became the center of
my study and the major theme for this book. I want-
ed to gain insight from their perspectives, cultural
imprints, ideals, behaviors, values, biases, norms,
conceptions, and day-by-day interactions that cause
them to struggle with what it means to be men, and
then what it means to be God-honoring men.
So for two weeks, 24 hours a day, I invaded their
conversations, watched their interactions, solicited
their perspectives on many issues, served as the butt
of their jokes, participated in their games, and lis-
tened one-on-one to their concerns, hurts, desires,
dreams, and hopes. In the end, I experienced in a
raw, new way their passion for a vibrant relationship
with Jesus Christ.
8
8
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