Single: Arguments for the Uncoupled

240 Pages·2012·2.44 MB·English

by  Michael Cobb

Single
SEXUAL CULTURES
General Editors: José Esteban Muñoz andAnn Pellegrini
Times Square Red, Times Square Blue Love the Sin: Sexual Regulation and
Samuel R. Delany the Limits of Religious Tolerance
Janet R. Jakobsen and Ann Pellegrini
Private Affairs: Critical Ventures in
the Culture of Social Relations Boricua Pop: Puerto Ricans and the
Phillip Brian Harper Latinization of American Culture
Frances Négron-Muntaner
In Your Face: 9 Sexual Studies
Mandy Merck Manning the Race: Reforming
Black Men in the Jim Crow Era
Tropics of Desire: Interventions
Marlon Ross
from Queer Latino America
José Quiroga In a Queer Time and Place:
Transgender Bodies, Subcultural Lives
Murdering Masculinities: Fantasies
Judith Halberstam
of Gender and Violence in the
American Crime Novel Why I Hate Abercrombie and Fitch:
Greg Forter Essays on Race and Sexuality in the U.S.
Dwight A. McBride
Our Monica, Ourselves: The Clinton
Affair and the National Interest God Hates Fags: The Rhetorics
Edited by Lauren Berlant and of Religious Violence
Lisa Duggan Michael Cobb
Black Gay Man: Essays Once You Go Black: Choice, Desire,
Robert Reid-Pharr and the Black American Intellectual
Foreword by Samuel R. Delany Robert Reid-Pharr
Passing: Identity and Interpretation The Latino Body: Crisis Identities in
in Sexuality, Race, and Religion American Literary and Cultural Memory
Edited by María Carla Sánchez and Lázaro Lima
Linda Schlossberg
Arranging Grief: Sacred Time and the
The Explanation for Everything:
Body in Nineteenth-Century America
Essays on Sexual Subjectivity Dana Luciano
Paul Morrison
Cruising Utopia: The Then and
The Queerest Art: Essays on
There of Queer Futurity
Lesbian and Gay Theater
José Esteban Muñoz
Edited by Alisa Solomon and Framji
Minwalla Another Country: Queer Anti-Urbanism
Scott Herring
Queer Globalizations: Citizenship
and the Afterlife of Colonialism Extravagant Abjection: Blackness,
Edited by Arnaldo Cruz Malavé and Power, and Sexuality in the African
Martin F. Manalansan IV American Literary Imagination
Darieck Scott
Queer Latinidad: Identity
Practices, Discursive Spaces Relocations: Queer Suburban Imaginaries
Juana María Rodríguez Karen Tongson
SINGLE
Arguments for the Uncoupled
Michael Cobb
a
NEW YORK UNIVERSITY PRESS
New York and London
NEW YORK UNIVERSITY PRESS
New York and London
www.nyupress.org
© 2012 by New York University
All rights reserved
References to Internet websites (URLs) were accurate at the time of writing.
Neither the author nor New York University Press is responsible for URLs that
may have expired or changed since the manuscript was prepared.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Cobb, Michael L.
Single : arguments for the uncoupled / Michael Cobb.
p. cm. Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 978–0–8147–7254–6 (hardback) — ISBN 978–0–8147–7255–3 (pb) —
ISBN 978–0–8147–7256–0 (ebook)
1. Single people. I. Title.
HQ800.C73 2012
306.81'5—dc23 2011052259
New York University Press books are printed on acid-free paper,
and their binding materials are chosen for strength and durability.
We strive to use environmentally responsible suppliers and materials
to the greatest extent possible in publishing our books.
Manufactured in the United States of America
c 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
p 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
In Memory of Will Munro,
who had us all dance, together.
William, it was really something . . .
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Contents
Acknowledgments ix
Introduction: Bitter Table for One 1
 The Inevitable Fatality of the Couple 41
 The Probated Couple, or Our Polygamous Pioneers 69
 The Shelter of Singles 105
 Welcome to the Desert of Me 157
Notes 203
Index 217
About the Author 227
vii
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Acknowledgments
If writing this book has taught me anything, it’s that a single per-
son doesn’t have to be lonely, which matters because sometimes
we’ll each have to confront the worst heartbreak, in our own
solitary way. When that happens, and when you need to literally
regroup, you’re lucky if you can see and embrace the wide world
of friendship, interest, work, pleasure, and love that might just
help you not collapse.
I wrote the majority of this book while one of my dear friends,
Will Munro, fought and lost his battle with brain cancer. Often
the book was my retreat away from the world of his sickness.
At times I wrote it in hospital waiting rooms, or beside him as
he slept. (So his influence, care, and spirit of collaboration tint
all the sentences.) In all these moments, I was never without a
group of the most impressive caregivers, friends, colleagues, ac-
quaintances, strangers, and animals that could soothe the worst
tragedy, the worst catastrophe.
In the world of work, the University of Toronto English De-
partment and its students have had my best interests always at
heart and have made teaching, research, and writing exciting.
Who knows why they’ve embraced me so, but they’re just the
greatest. A few of the many need special mention (but, as be-
fore, I could just list the entire faculty and staff): Alan Ackerman,
Alan Bewell, Elspeth Brown (an honorary English department
member), Brian Corman, Jeannine DeLombard, Paul Downes,
Andrew Dubois, Elizabeth Harvey, Antonette diPaolo Healey,
Cristina Henrique, Linda Hutcheon, Daniel Justice, Deidre
Lynch, Lynne Magnusson, Jill Matus, Alice Maurice, Naomi
Morgenstern, Andrea Most, Nick Mount, Heather Murray, Mary
Nyquist, Clare Orchard, Tanuja Persuad, Mari Ruti, Donna Sabo,
Sara Salih, Cannon Schmitt, Dana Seitler, Paul Stevens, and
ix