Power of Nonverbal Communication, The: How You Act Is More Important Than What You Say

315 Pages·2005·1.23 MB·English

by  Calero H.H.

The Power
of Nonverbal
Communication
How You Act
Is More Important
Than What You Say
Henry H. Calero
S L P
ILVER AKE UBLISHING
L A , CA A , WA
OS NGELES BERDEEN
The Power of Nonverbal Communication
How You Act Is More Important Than What You Say
First edition
Copyright © 2005 by Henry H. Calero
Silver Lake Publishing
111 East Wishkah Street
Aberdeen, WA 98520
•
P.O. Box 29460
Los Angeles, CA 90029
For a list of other publications or for more information, please call
1.360.532.5758.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored
in a retrieval system or transcribed in any form or by any means
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out the prior written permission of the copyright owner.
Library of Congress Catalogue Number: pending
The Power of Nonverbal Communication
How You Act Is More Important Than What You Say
Includes index.
Pages: 308
ISBN: 1-56343-824-0
Printed in the United States of America.
Dedication
To Yen and Christina.
Henry H. Calero
Redwood City, California
Summer 2005

Table of Contents
Introduction: Nonverbal Cues Are Critical 1
Chapter 1: Touch 7
Chapter 2: Smell and Taste 25
Chapter 3: Sounds and Silence 47
Chapter 4: Facial Expressions 63
Chapter 5: Gestures and Postures 75
Chapter 6: Verbal/Nonverbal Congruence 89
Chapter 7: Cultural Influences 105
Chapter 8: In Public Places 125
Chapter 9: The Things We Wear 145
Chapter 10: Signs, Symbols and Colors 161
Chapter 11: Sports 185
Chapter 12: Cues All Over the Place 199
Chapter 13: Dead Men Do Tell Tales 213
Chapter 14: Animal Communication 227
Chapter 15: From History and the Cosmos 249
Chapter 16: Dreams: Nonverbal Cues to Yourself 267
Conclusion: Oddities and Ends 279
Appendix 285
Index 299
Introduction: Nonverbal Cues Are Critical
Introduction
Nonverbal Cues Are Critical
Whenever we perceive information that is not written or spoken, we
comprehend something that is nonverbal. Humans have the capability of
receiving information besides what is written or spoken. Our senses of
touch, taste, seeing, hearing, smells, signs, symbols, colors, facial expres-
sions, gestures, posture, and intuition are the primary sources of the non-
verbal messages we receive. It is a silent language not formally taught, and
which has existed before language was invented.
The only humans who do not have the capacity for perceiving non-
verbal communication are those who are autistic.
One of the foremost experts of autism is Simon Baron-Cohen who
teaches at Trinity College in England. She says:
It’s a developmental disability that begins in childhood with
the inability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and see
the world from someone’s else’s perspective; but also the in-
ability to figure out what they might be thinking. So these
children literally cannot interpret what a frown or raised eye-
brow might mean.
When one considers the biological antiquity of human nonverbal com-
munication—existing for thousands of years before formal spoken lan-
guages were invented—it is amazing how little is known about nonverbal
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The Power of Nonverbal Communication
communication and the small amount of research and study which has
been conducted worldwide. For thousands of years, mankind has used
wordless messages to communicate thoughts, attitudes, ideas and emo-
tions, by using gestures, posture, facial expressions, sounds and symbols.
The biggest mystery in all of this is why so few people have made the
effort to study these meanings.
Kinesics and Nonverbal Communication
One of the first researchers on nonverbal communication was Ray
Birdwhistell, who used the term “kinesics” in 1952 when he wrote Intro-
duction to Kinesics. The first time the phrase “nonverbal communica-
tion” was used in 1955 was by G.W. Hewes when he wrote World Dis-
tribution of Certain Postural Habits.
This was followed by Irving Goffman’s Behavior in Public Places
which used the term “body idiom.” That, in turn, led to Julius Fast in 1971
using the now common expression “body language” in the book he wrote
by the same name.
Mankind’s knowledge of nonverbal communication would have pro-
gressed further if others besides Ray Birdwhistell had devoted more time
to researching the subject. During the 1950s, Birdwhistell was just about
the only person studying this method of communication. His effort has
contributed greatly to our present day knowledge and understanding of
nonverbal communication.
From the literature that does exist, there some useful quotes about
the essence of nonverbal communication; my favorite comes from the au-
thor E. Sapir:
We respond to gestures with an extreme alertness and, one
might almost say, in accordance with an elaborate and secret
code that is written nowhere, known by none, and understood
by all.
Considering those words, we begin to understand in a small measure
the matter and substance of nonverbal communication and its effect in
human society.
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Introduction: Nonverbal Cues Are Critical
Little Is Absolutely Certain
When we rely solely on verbal communication, we often have prob-
lems in communicating. I can never clearly say to you what is completely
going on inside me. And the same applies to you when you speak to me.
It is only when all my senses perceive information through verbal and
nonverbal communication that I’m close to understanding and compre-
hending what you’re feeling and then I can comprehend the feelings and
emotions you have.
Albert Mehrabian explained this process in his book, Silent Mes-
sages, when he wrote: “We are excessively sensitized to words and have
very few terms for characterizing nonverbal behavior:” And, I might add,
it is the congruent or incongruent silent messages that greatly influence the
message a person receives.
Our verbal language is one dimensional, whereas the mind is
multidimensional. Language can only describe one sequence of
events at a time; if several occur simultaneously, language has to
jump from one to another along parallel lines which creates great
confusion to the person listening. And this process is compounded
when we realize the mind has the capacity to absorb different
information simultaneously along parallel lines.
Regardless of how fast you may speak, I will always be able to think
faster and, when I add all my other senses, what you have said is like a
tricycle trying to catch up with a jet airplane. Then, to complicate matters
further, we need to add another dimension to nonverbal communication—
when people speak, they often say things that have hidden meanings.
In one of my previous books, Metatalk (co-authored with Gerard
Nierenberg), we wrote about some examples of what people sometimes
say and what they mean. Statements such as “Don’t worry about me” are
usually problematic. When people say this, you better keep a close watch
on them because they might do something unexpected. Or, when people
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