Partnership Parenting: How Men and Women Parent Differently--Why It Helps Your Kids and Can Strengthen Your Marriage

243 Pages·2009·11.7 MB·English

by  Kyle Pruett

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Partnership
Parenting
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PARTNERSHIP
PARENTING
How Men and Women Parent Differently—
Why It Helps Your Kids and
Can Strengthen Your Marriage
Kyle Pruett, MD
Marsha Kline Pruett, PhD, MSL
A Member of the Perseus Books Group
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Many of the designations used by manufacturers and sellers to distinguish their
products are claimed as trademarks. Where those designations appear in this book
and Da Capo Press was aware of a trademark claim, the designations have been
printed in initial capital letters.
Copyright © 2009 by Kyle Pruett and Marsha Kline Pruett
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a
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publisher. Printed in the United States of America. For information, address Da Capo
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Produced in conjunction with Downtown Bookworks, Inc.
Design and production by Eclipse Publishing Services
Set in 9 point Imperial
Page 72: Gatekeeper Quiz for Moms © National Fatherhood Initiative, reprinted by
permission
Page 74: Doonesbury (c) 1986 G. B. Trudeau. Reprinted with permission of Universal
Press Syndicate. All rights reserved.
Pages 80–83, 205: Copyright 2000 ZERO TO THREE. Questions reproduced with
permission of the copyright holder. What Grown-ups Understand About
Child Development. Further reproduction requires express permission from
ZERO TO THREE (www.zerotothree.org/permissions).
Page 151:David Alpert, 2006 D&A Records. Other Alpert Music Publishing/ASCAP.
Page 199:Ideas About Parenting reprinted with permission of Gertrude Heming,
Philip A. Cowan, and Carolyn Pape Cowan
Cataloging-in-Publication data for this book is available from the
Library of Congress.
First Da Capo Press edition 2009
ISBN: 978-0-7382-1326-2
Published by Da Capo Press
A Member of the Perseus Books Group
www.dacapopress.com
Note: The information in this book is true and complete to the best of our knowledge.
This book is intended only as an informative guide for those wishing to know more
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For Lisa and Emily,
with whom we started our co-parenting lessons;
and for Liv and J.D.,
who closed the circle and continue to fill in the gaps.
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Contents
Foreword ix
Acknowledgments xi
Introduction xiii
PART ONE
1 Becoming Parents Together 3
Life B.C. (before children) and A.C. (after children)
2 Cuddling vs. the Football Hold 15
Why Parenting Differences Are Not Deficiencies
3 Building a Partnership That Works 35
The Relationship Is the Solution, Not the Problem
4 Managing Conflict and Fighting Fair 49
The Dynamics of Healthy Disagreement
5 Valuing Your Spouse’s Contribution 65
So Glad I Chose You
6 Assumptions and Actions 79
What Grown-ups Do and Don’t Know About Raising Kids
PART TWO
7 Discipline 99
“Wait ’til Your Father Gets Home!”
8 Care and Feeding 115
Keeping Your Child Healthy in Body and Mind
9 Co-parenting and Sleeping Children 133
Learning to Be on One’s Own
10 Safety 151
From Within and Without
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viii ▼ Contents
11 Education 169
The Co-parenting Foundation to Lifelong Learning
12 Epilogue: For Divorce Prevention 191
Keeping the Parenting Partnership First So It Lasts
Appendix A: Ideas About Parenting 199
Appendix B: Parental Profile Answers 205
Notes 207
Index 213
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Foreword
I
’VE BEEN PRIVILEGEDas a pediatrician to witness tremendous changes
in the well-being of children over the course of my lifetime. As I’ve held
newborns in my hands and watched their parents hold them in theirs, one
change stands apart from the rest: These days, fathers are more actively
engaged right from the start. This, as Kyle and Marsha Pruett so beauti-
fully set forth in Partnership Parenting, is great news for all concerned.
Watching a mother, father, and baby fall in love with one another right
after birth is to see a miracle unfold. When I hold a newborn up in front
of me and talk to him or her, he or she always turns to my voice. If I have
the father compete with me, 80 percent of the babies will turn to their
father’s voice. If they don’t, I tip their heads. Then, more often than not,
the father takes his baby from me and exclaims, “You know me already!”
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