Table Of Content“Practical, gentle, and thorough, this book nudges and guides you
into your body and your senses. As you learn how to turn down the
volume of the chatter and self-judgment there is more room to
experience yourself as a whole, physical human being. What a relief,
and what an opportunity! Highly recommended.”
—Steven C. Hayes, PhD, cofounder of acceptance and
commitment therapy (ACT) and author of Get Out of
Your Mind and Into Your Life
“We humans are so often at war with our own bodies. We use our
powerful intellect to break ourselves into parts—thighs, buttocks,
stomach, nose—and then often judge these parts as ‘not good
enough.’ We then waste energy trying to fix ourselves and/or
become self-conscious and withdraw from life. Living with Your body
and Other Things You Hate will help you to declare peace on your
body, connect with it, nurture it, and appreciate it. The book never
preaches. It uses practical exercises to take you on a gentle, mindful
journey. If you are the sort of person who is hard on yourself and
insecure about your body, then I believe this book will help you to
accept yourself, find your inner strength, and build a life filled with
joy and meaning.”
—Joseph Ciarrochi, author of Get out of Your Mind and
Into Your Life for Teens and Mindfulness, Acceptance, and
Positive Psychology
“Full of wisdom and compassion, this is a beautifully written and
highly practical guide to self-acceptance. I wish I’d read it thirty
years ago; it would have saved me decades of self-loathing!”
—Russ Harris, author of The Happiness Trap
“If you are unhappy with your appearance in any way, this book
will help you and others understand what you experience and why.
It will explain why your feelings are devastating, and how your
struggles to overcome it may have been futile. The authors provide
a totally different way to approach the problem of poor self-image.
If all other methods have failed, this book offers hope and guidance
in a distinctly new way. Acceptance and commitment therapy
techniques will teach you to live the life you want, follow your
values, and stop struggling for an ideal image. The authors write in
a very friendly manner, sharing their own experiences at times, and
provide wonderful exercises to follow. I highly recommend this
book to everyone who wants to stop struggling and begin living.”
—Fugen Neziroglu, PhD, ABBP, ABPP, author of
Overcoming Body Dysmorphic Disorder and Body
Dysmorphic Disorder: A Treatment Manual
How to Let Go of Your Struggle
with BodY ImaGe Using
acceptance & Commitment Therapy
E K. S , Phd
mily andoz
T d F
roy u rEnE
New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
Publisher’s Note
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the
subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in
rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or
counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.
Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books
Copyright © 2013 by Emily Sandoz and Troy DuFrene
New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
5674 Shattuck Avenue
Oakland, CA 94609
www.newharbinger.com
Cover design by Amy Shoup
Acquired by Catharine Meyers
All Rights Reserved
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Sandoz, Emily K.
Living with your body and other things you hate : how to let go of your struggle with
body image using acceptance and commitment therapy / Emily K. Sandoz, Troy
DuFrene.
pages cm
Summary: “Are you comfortable with the skin you’re in? If not, you aren’t alone.
Most people are dissatisfied with some aspect of their physical appearance, but if your
unhappiness with your looks starts to take over your life, it’s time to make a change.
This book applies powerful acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) principles to
help you accept both your body and negative thoughts, and discover new feelings of
validity beyond your reflection in the mirror”-- Provided by publisher.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-1-60882-104-4 (pbk.) -- ISBN 978-1-60882-105-1 (pdf e-book) -- ISBN
978-1-60882-106-8 (epub) 1. Body image. 2. Self-esteem. 3. Acceptance and
commitment therapy. I. DuFrene, Troy, 1972- II. Title.
BF697.5.B63S36 2014
306.4’613--dc23
2013039164
To my mother, Anne, who taught me with such care the myriad
ways a person can be beautiful
Contents
PART 1:
Introduction: An Invitation
1
Your Body Image 13
2
Letting Go of the Struggle 31
PART 2:
Four Opportunities for Change
3
Right Here, Right Now: Being Present 45
4
More than Words: Seeing Beyond Your Thoughts 69
5
Opening Up: Accepting the Unacceptable 93
6
Your Body, Your Self: Getting to Know You 123
7
You Get to Pick: Choosing Direction 145
8
Reaching Out: Making Use of Other Resources 163
Conclusion
A Final Invitation 167
References 169
Part 1:
INTRODUCTION:
AN INVITATION
Ten minutes before the school bus was due, the young mother real-
ized that her eight- year- old daughter, Hannah, was no longer at the
breakfast table. “Hannah?” She called for the child several times as
she buckled the baby into his carrier and pulled the coats from the
closet. Hannah loved riding the bus. “You’re going to miss it, sweet-
heart,” she said as she pushed the bedroom door open. The young
mother stopped in the doorway. Hannah, dressed in a blue sweater,
stood staring into a full- length mirror, the favorite pink shirt she’d
worn at the table bunched on the floor next to her. She turned and
walked toward the doorway.
Living with your Body & Other Things You Hate
“It didn’t look good, Momma,” the child said, as she slipped her
arms one by one into the coat her mother was holding. “I looked fat
in the pink one.”
As the day continued, the young mother found herself over-
whelmed by the experience— first, by the urge to save her daughter
from these concerns, then by the urge to understand them. What
was it that caused the child to abandon her oatmeal that morning
to check her appearance? What did she look for as she peered into
the mirror? What did she see on her tiny eight- year- old body that
she found unacceptable? Did she find relief in hiding what she saw
under the thick sweater? How long before that relief would fade?
How long before she would find herself peering into the mirror
again? What else might she be willing to do to feel satisfied with
what she saw there?
Where You Find Yourself
We’re going to go ahead and assume that you find your eyes on
these words right now because you know something about the
experience of that little girl. Maybe you’ve slipped away from your
own life at times to inspect your waist, your hips, your hair, or your
skin. Maybe you know the familiar sinking feeling as your eyes
come to rest on that part of your body you can’t stand. You might
recognize the need to continue peering at your reflection, fixing (or
fantasizing about fixing) what you see, even if looking at yourself
disgusts or depresses you. You might recognize the relief that comes
when you feel okay with what you see in the mirror.
For some of you, perhaps this hasn’t been a very serious problem.
Maybe you recognize that you worry a lot about how you look, but
it’s never really gotten in the way of any of your relationships, your
work, your health, or anything else that matters to you. But then
again, maybe it has. We’re writing this book right now because for
many people, body image is a problem.
2
