"I ain't well--but I sure am better": Mutual need therapy

292 Pages·1975·25.25 MB·English

by  Jess Lair

IFAWCEni
CREST
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20293-3•$2.75
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aint
well-
buti
am
sure
betterj^
Need
Thersqiy
^h[tucll
JESS
LAIR,
Ph.D.
Author of
SEX- DIDNT LAUGH, CRY
IF I'D
I

w
E make our spiritual quest with the
clues and the resources life gives us. One
of these clues is the people who like us the
way we are. In their presence we come to
discover who we are and get the strength
to be it in those favorable circumstances.
We
So this is the paradox in this system.
need the people who like us the way we
are so we can unfold and open ourselves
up to that person. Th—is makes it possible
to grow and develop get rid of some
^to
things we are and to change along lines we
find we have a natural bent for. The paradox
is we need people who like us the way we
are so we can become different from what
we are. And the beauty here is that as we
change, the people who like us the way
we were like us just as much, or more,
than before.
Fawcett Crest Books
by Jess Lair, Ph.D.:
"AINT A WONDER AND ATNT YOU
I
A WONDER . . .
TOO!"
"HEY GOD, WHAT SHOULD DO
I
NOW?"
i( AIN'T MUCH, BABY—BUT
I I'M
ALL I'VE GOT"
WELL—
AIN'T BUT SURE
*I I
AM
BETTER"
SEX: IF DIDNT LAUGH CRY
I I'D
ain well-
t
i
but sure
I
am
better"
mutual need therapy
jess lair, ph.d.
fawcett crest • new york
©
Copyright 1975 by Jesse K. Lair
Published by Fawcett Crest Books, a unit of CBS Publica-
tions, the Educational and Professional Publishing Division of
CBS, Inc. by arrangement with Doubleday and Company, Inc.
All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book
or portions thereof in any form. Distributed in the United
States by Ballantine Books, a division of Random House,
Inc., New York, and in Canada by Random House of
Canada, Limited, Toronto, Canada.
ISBN 0-449-20293-3
Printed in the United States of America
First Fawcett Crest Edition: October 1976
10 9 8 7
This book is dedicated to all those people who
opened their hearts to me. Dave was the first
one I remember, back when I was seventeen.
My my my my
wife, mother, Vince, children,
aunts and uncles, my friends and my students
have all reached deep in their hearts to save
my life and give me what I needed. Most of
all, one person is the central part of this book.
The Arabs say a woman is not just your wife,
am my
she is your fate. I thankful for beautiful
fate.

contents
Found Was Not Alone 9
1 I I
2 Examining Our Relationships 39
3 Finding the People Who Like Us the Way
—
We Are ^Mutual Need Therapy 68
4 Living Mutual Need Therapy 85
—
5 Living Alone with Reality ^the Spiritual Quest 114
6 Communicating Our Whole Hearts 133
7 Commitment in the Marriage 170
8 You Raise Carrots but You Don't Raise Kids 187
9 Building a Tribal Community for Ourselves 205
10 Loving Our Work 234
A
New
11 Beginning: Loving the Easy Ones 262