Enough! A Buddhist Approach to Finding Release from Addictive Patterns

169 Pages·2010·0.83 MB·English

by  Chönyi Taylor

enough!
Audio Recording
The meditations in this book are designed to develop familiarity
with states of mind that can release us from addictive patterns.
These meditations have been recorded by Chönyi Taylor
as a supplement to Enough! Please check the Snow Lion
Publications website for availability: www.snowlionpub.com
enough!
A Buddhist Approach to Finding Release
from Addictive Patterns
Chönyi Taylor
SNOW LION PUBLICATIONS
ITHACA, NEW YORK
Snow Lion Publications
P. O. Box 6483
Ithaca, NY 14851 USA
[phone]
www.snowlionpub.com
Copyright © 2010 Diana Susan Taylor
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced
without prior written permission from the publisher.
Printed in USA on acid-free recycled paper.
ISBN-10: 1-55939-344-0
ISBN-13: 978-1-55939-344-7
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Taylor, Chönyi, 1942-
Enough! : a Buddhist approach to finding release from addictive patterns / Chönyi Taylor.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN-13: 978-1-55939-344-7 (alk. paper)
ISBN-10: 1-55939-344-0 (alk. paper)
1. Twelve-step programs—Religious aspects—Buddhism.
2. Compulsive behavior—Religious aspects—Buddhism.
3. Habit breaking—Religious aspects—Buddhism.
4. Spiritual life—Buddhism. 5. Self-help techniques.
I. Title. II. Title: Buddhist approach to finding release from addictive patterns. BQ4570.T85T39 2010
294.3'4442—dc22
2009053963
The print edition of this work was designed and typeset by Gopa & Ted2, Inc.
list of meditations
Meditation
Mental Spa Baths for Body and Mind 40
1:
Meditation
Equanimity towards Feelings 49
2:
Meditation
Equanimity towards Our Environment 51
3:
Meditation
Equanimity towards People 52
4:
Meditation
Equanimity towards Ourselves 54
5:
Meditation
Finding the Triggers 66
6:
Meditation
Choosing to Change 69
7:
Meditation
I Am Not My Pain 93
8:
Meditation
Accepting Pain 96
9:
Meditation
Choosing to Change, Being Kind to Ourselves 100
10:
Meditation Cleaning Rubbish from the Mind and Making Sure It Does Not
112
11: Come Back
Meditation
Wise Loving-Kindness 156
12:
acknowledgments
T
HERE ARE countless people who have directly or indirectly helped me put this
book together. It began as a request from people who felt they benefited from
my workshops on addiction. My gratitude to those people, and to Michael
Davies, who pushed me into doing the workshops in the first place.
My gratitude, also, to those people who helped and encouraged me through
the various obstacles one meets in writing a book. On the professional side, Eng
Kong Tan, Bruno Cayoun, Brian Gutkin, Maris Depers, and Antonio Tejero
Pociello assured me that my work would be helpful to their clients. Margot-
Deepa Slater gave invaluable feedback from the point of view of a recovered
addict. Nancy Patton has unfailingly mothered me through my various crises and
self-doubts as well as giving me editorial assistance. To Sue Ford (1943-2009),
friend extraordinaire and constant supporter, may you receive in your next life
what you had given in this one.
My editors at Snow Lion have been unfailingly kind and helpful. Special
thanks to Susan Kyser for her wise advice.
Then there are my friends and family, Buddhist and non-Buddhist, who have
always been on hand during glumness or glee. My children, Susan, Liz, and
James, keep my feet on the ground and my grandchildren even more so.
My Buddhist background has developed principally under the kindness and
guidance of Lama Zopa Rinpoche, Geshe Doga, Geshe Tashi Tsering, and Geshe
Samten. Any mistakes are due to my own limitations and not due to the quality
and depth of their teachings.
We are all addicted, to a greater or lesser degree, to something. The most
insidious addiction is not drug related, but our addiction to our own self-pity and
small mindedness. If this book helps anyone, even a little, then I have achieved
my aim.
Chönyi Taylor
Sandy Point, Australia
July 2009
introduction
Do not expect material objects to satisfy you or to make your life
perfect; it’s impossible. How can you be satisfied with even vast amounts of
material objects? How will sleeping with hundreds of people satisfy you? It
will never happen. Satisfaction comes from the mind.
—LAMA YESHE 1
T
HIS IS a book for people who have had enough: people who want to change those
addictive patterns and thoughts which range from being mildly annoying to
threatening our physical and mental health and even our lives. It is a book for
people who are willing to take responsibility and make some effort to change. It
is a book for people who would like to have self-confidence, hope, and courage
instead of the damaging effects of addiction. This is a book for strengthening the
power of our own minds as the key tool for changing addictive patterns. This is a
book based on Buddhist teachings, but the ideas are relevant to anyone,
regardless of their religion, who wishes to reclaim their humanity and spiritual
awareness.
If we wish to escape addiction and avoid relapse, the most important factor is
not what we are addicted to, but the state of our minds. We all have addictions,
big or little. Many of these little addictions are more insidious than drug and
alcohol addictions. We might, for example, be addicted to our own point of
view, causing unnecessary harm through bigotry or hypocrisy. We might be
addicted to feeling useless. We might be addicted to coming in first, or never
trying because it is all too hard. We might be addicted to getting people to say
nice things about us, or making them angry with us so we can blame them for
our misery. These inner addictions are much harder to identify and change than
the outer addictions, but they are more important. In the end, we are addicted to
our own self-pity. That is why we boost our ego with bravado or crumple under
the pressure of feeling bad, which in turn is why we hang on to small
mindedness and blaming others. Then we find ourselves alone, with little to love
and few people who love us. We are deeply and painfully unhappy at that stage.
In the end, that is why we try to find happiness through something which stops
us thinking about such things and leaves us, for the moment, feeling okay.
If we want to be free of our addictions, big or little, we have no choice but to
work with our own minds. This is not as impossible as it seems. One of the main
points about Buddhist teaching is that we can change our minds for the better.
What does “better” mean? It simply means being in balance, not being thrown
around by the rising and falling of events and experiences. It means we accept
the world for what it is and ourselves for what we are without being upset. It
means we give up the blame game in favor of checking out why we are unhappy.
It means accepting the things we cannot change and doing something about the
things we can change, whether these things are inside our heads or outside in our
homes and our environment. If we could be “better” in that way, then we would
be at peace with ourselves, and that means we would be at peace with the people
around us.
All this is nice in theory, but not so easy in the real world. We need some
wisdom to know what we can do immediately and tools to train our mind away
from the habits behind our addictions. The wisdom side has two aspects. The
first is about finding effective tools for change and the second is about knowing
what really makes us happy—whether our beliefs about life really do help us to
be happy. Happiness is so often related to whether we feel a loving sense of
connection with other people and our environment. If we can find ways to
develop this profound quality, then we become reconnected with our ability to
love and find that we are loved in return. As we search for a lasting happiness,
we discover a wisdom that is compassionate and a compassion that is wise.
If we want to make an effort to change, we need to be motivated. At first the
motivation to escape the addiction comes when our fear of the consequences is
greater than our fear of being without our addiction. This is when we first say,
”Enough!” If we know that change is possible we find the energy to make those
changes and actually put the ideas into practice. We do that by understanding
that it is possible to change, by understanding what direction that change could
take. That direction will follow the values we have chosen for our lives. It makes
sense to choose values that are helpful. When we also hear about or meet people
who have succeeded where we have not, then we are inspired to follow their
path. This inspiration also strengthens our motivation.
When we are in the trap of an addiction, we feel as if choice has been taken
away. However, we can reclaim our ability to make choices. Knowing this also
helps us to be motivated. As we do so, we reclaim responsibility for our ideas
and motivations and actions. We begin to realize that instead of creating
suffering for ourselves and other people, we can create kindness and patience.
Again we need the two great qualities of wisdom and compassion. At first we
find and hold little wisdoms, little nuggets of insights into ourselves and into