Engineering for Cats: Better the Life of Your Pet with10 Cat-Approved Projects

225 Pages·2018·9.95 MB·English

by  Mac Delaney

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A A
B B
Engineering
EEnnggiinneeeerriinngg
C C
for Cats
ffoorr CCaattss

D D
E E
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Engineering
EEnnggiinneeeerriinngg
for Cats
ffoorr CCaattss

Better the Life of Your Pet
with 10 Cat-Approved Projects
Written and Illustrated by
Mac Delaney
Workman Publishing New York
•
For my wife, Isabel
Please use caution when constructing these projects. The publisher and author are not responsible for accidents
or injuries that may be incurred by humans or cats during or after the building of these projects. It is the reader’s
responsibility to use tools safely.
Copyright © 2018 by Mac Delaney
All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced—mechanically, electronically, or by any other
means, including photocopying—without written permission of the publisher. Published simultaneously in Canada
by Thomas Allen & Son Limited.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.
ISBN 978-0-7611-8990-9
Workman books are available at special discounts when purchased in bulk for premiums and sales promotions as well
as for fund-raising or educational use. Special editions or book excerpts can also be created to specification. For details,
contact the Special Sales Director at the address below, or send an email to [email protected].
Workman Publishing Company, Inc.
225 Varick Street
New York, NY 10014
workman.com
WORKMAN is a registered trademark of Workman Publishing Co., Inc.
Printed in China
First printing July 2018
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A A
Contents
Prologue .........................................................................vi
B B
(A More Useful) Introduction ...........................................ix
Before You Build ...........................................................xiv
Simple Cat Shelf ..............................................................1
C Advanced Cat Shelf .......................................................12 C
Drinking Fountains .........................................................38
The Cat Cave .................................................................64
Simple Scratcher ...........................................................80
D D
Bunk Beds .....................................................................95
Cat Treat Slot Machine ................................................112
Drawbridge Cat Door ..................................................129
E E
Litter Box Cabinet ........................................................160
Cat Wheel ....................................................................182
About the Author .........................................................204
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A A
Prologue
Manager: Moving on. We’d like to discuss this new project
with you, but it’s going to be a little different from what
you’ve developed in the past. [pause] We have actually
Scene: Conference room in aerospace engineering facility been funded to take on the long-overdue project of
developing a better mousetrap.
B Manager: Thanks for meeting with me. I need to speak with B
you about a contract we recently won. Engineer: A septuple-engine fighter that exterminates
mice? No problem—what’s our schedule look like?
Engineer: Oh, I wasn’t aware any bids were recently
placed. Is this another single-engine fighter? Manager: No, this is not going to be an airplane, just a
mousetrap.
Manager: No, not really.
C Engineer: But you said the requirements were open, so it’s C
Engineer: Twin-engine?
not necessarily not an airplane?
Manager: No.
Manager: Do you think you could build a plane that is cost-
Engineer: Quintuple-engine? effective in exterminating mice?
Manager: No. Wait, is that a thing? Engineer: I suppose it depends on the extent of the
D infestation. How many mice does each product have to D
Engineer: Do you want it to be? Here, let me pull up some
handle? 10,000? 100,000?
sketches.
Manager: I think the trap would have to take care of the
Manager: No, please listen; we’ve brought you in because
mice without blowing up the buildings that they’re in.
of the great work you and your team did on the X-25 Desert
Reagan program. Engineer: These requirements are less open than you
E E
let on.
Engineer: You mean Jetty McJetface?
Manager: Look, is this something we can handle, or are we
Manager: No, that’s not what it’s called.
going to need to bring in some consultants?
Engineer: Not according to the voters of the naming
Engineer: No, we can handle it. We just need to hammer
contest, sir.
out the parameters. Let’s look at how the current
F F

mousetrap can be improved.
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Prologue | vii
A A
Manager: Okay. Manager: That sounds a little dangerous. . . . Could we
develop something like that safely?
Engineer: I think the biggest problem with the standard
mousetrap design is that it’s stationary. It requires bait Engineer: Well, what usually makes most killer robots so
like cheese to get the mouse to come to the trap, which is dangerous is that they are hardwired to keep us safe.
completely ineffective on mice that are lactose intolerant.
B Manager: Go on. B
Manager: Good point, and if I’m not mistaken, many
Engineer: Things in which humans find joy are usually
people just want to get rid of mice because their cheese is
also dangerous, and we’re also pretty fragile. So any robot
being eaten. If people have to use their cheese to set the
capable of learning eventually figures out that the only way
traps, then it doesn’t really solve the problem, does it?
to keep us safe is to enslave all of humanity.
C Engineer: Exactly. So we need a trap that does not operate C
Manager: So . . . we need to make sure our robot also
by wasting cheese. Unfortunately I’m not aware of any way
prioritizes our happiness?
to get mice to come to a trap other than cheese, and I don’t
Engineer: That could work, but I think it would actually be
intend on performing any research to check if there is. So if
simpler just to have the robot not care about us at all.
we can’t get the mice to come to the trap, the trap will have
to go to the mice. Manager: So what keeps it from killing us accidentally?
D D
Manager: I’m with you so far. Engineer: Well, I think we might be able to make it not
powerful enough to kill us.
Engineer: Imagine a Roomba, but instead of cleaning
floors, it hunts mice. Manager: Hmm, I suppose I hadn’t really considered that.
Manager: Okay, but I’m having trouble imagining a Engineer: I agree it’s a strange concept. If we make it
E Roomba that’s quick enough to catch a mouse. powerful enough to hunt mice, but not powerful enough to E
kill people, it just might not enslave all of humanity. At least
Engineer: Then you’re not imagining it correctly. This
not completely.
Roomba would have between four and eight powerful legs
to make it fast and agile, built-in weapon systems, and Manager: Seems worth pursuing. But if the only things
artificial intelligence that allows it to learn how to most stopping it from killing us are it not caring about us and
F effectively terminate the local mouse population. F
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viii | Engineering for Cats
A A
it being slightly underpowered, won’t people be a little Manager: Like cat refills?
hesitant to buy it?
Engineer: Sort of. Look, some people don’t even like cats,
Engineer: That’s where aesthetics come in. If we make and a lot of people who do aren’t taking their cats to their
it stylish enough, then people will overlook any fatal full potential.
functional flaws. It’s called the Apple effect.
B Manager: Ah, I see; so we develop steroids for the cats, B
Manager: That is a stylish fruit, but not without its flaws, then.
which I’m sure is what you were referring to. . . . I see just
Engineer: That would work but might conflict with our
one problem in your plan.
requirement of making sure the product is not powerful
Engineer: What’s that? enough to kill humans.
C C
Manager: You want to design a mouse hunter that’s Manager: So we give the humans steroids too? Cancel
mobile, powerful enough to kill a mouse but not powerful things out?
enough to kill us, that keeps us safe mostly by ignoring us,
Engineer: Let’s come back to that. For now, I think the
and is aesthetically pleasing to people?
most effective path would be to develop a series of
Engineer: Yes. cat add-on products that will improve the human-cat
D relationship, making the cats happier and more effective D
Manager: That’s a cat.
mouse-killing machines.
Engineer: I see. . . .
Manager: Perfect, it looks like your team is ready to start
Manager: I don’t think we can make a robot that competes
. . . [pauses and dramatically turns head]
with a cat. EEEnnngggiiinnneeeeeerrriiinnnggg
E Engineer: Hmmm, okay. Change of plans. How about we E
make our mousetrap an actual cat?
for Cats
ffoorr CCaattss
Manager: How would we stay in business selling cats?
Engineer: The cats aren’t where we make the money, it’s
the add-ons.
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((AA MMoorree UUsseeffuull))
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IInnttrroodduuccttiioonn
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Welcome to Engineering for Cats. To answer your first question:
No, this is not a book about teaching cats how to be engineers.
Although research has shown that cats actually may have enough
brain capacity to perform rudimentary engineering methods,*
D they simply do not care enough to try (as with most activities). D
Instead, this book includes a series of projects designed to
improve the quality of life for your cat or cats. Each project also
provides some background engineering information on how it
was designed or how it works.
E E
* Not that cats are exceptionally intelligent. The bar to be an engineer is
just quite low. We engineers use complicated-looking symbols to confuse
our employers and convince them we’re irreplaceable.
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