Discovering My Autism: Apologia Pro Vita Sua (With Apologies to Cardinal Newman)

127 Pages·1999·0.46 MB·English

by  Edgar Schneider

Discovering My Autism
ofrelatedinterest
Asperger’sSyndrome
AGuideforParentsandProfessionals
TonyAttwood
ISBN1853025771
ThroughtheEyesofAliens
ABookaboutAutisticPeople
JasmineLeeO’Neill
ISBN1853027103
Autism:AnInside-OutApproach
AnInnovativeLookattheMechanicsof‘Autism’
anditsDevelopmental‘Cousins’
DonnaWilliams
ISBN1853023876
AutismandSensing
TheUnlostInstinct
DonnaWilliams
ISBN1853026123
ChildrenwithAutism,SecondEdition
DiagnosisandInterventionstoMeetTheirNeeds
ColwynTrevarthen,KennethAitken,DespinaPapoudiandJacquelineRobarts
ISBN1853025550
TheADHDHandbook
AGuideforParentsandProfessionals
AlisonMundenandJonArcelus
ISBN1853027561
FromThoughtstoObsessions
ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorderinChildrenandAdolescents
PerHoveThomsen
ISBN1853027219
Discovering My Autism
Apologia Pro Vita Sua
(with Apologies to Cardinal Newman)
Edgar Schneider
Jessica Kingsley Publishers
London and Philadelphia
Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthispublicationmaybereproducedinanymaterialform(including
photocopyingorstoringitinanymediumbyelectronicmeansandwhetherornottransientlyor
incidentallytosomeotheruseofthispublication)withoutthewrittenpermissionofthecopyright
ownerexceptinaccordancewiththeprovisionsoftheCopyright,DesignsandPatentsAct1988
orunderthetermsofalicenceissuedbytheCopyrightLicensingAgencyLtd,90Tottenham
CourtRoad,London,EnglandW1T4LP.Applicationsforthecopyrightowner’swrittenpermis-
siontoreproduceanypartofthispublicationshouldbeaddressedtothepublisher.
Warning:Thedoingofanunauthorisedactinrelationtoacopyrightworkmayresultinbotha
civilclaimfordamagesandcriminalprosecution.
TherightofEdgarR.G.Schneidertobeidentifiedasauthorofthisworkhasbeenassertedby
himinaccordancewiththeCopyright,DesignsandPatentsAct1988.
FirstpublishedintheUnitedKingdomin1999by
JessicaKingsleyPublishers
116PentonvilleRoad
LondonN19JB,UK
and
400MarketStreet,Suite400
PhiladelphiaPA19106,USA
www.jkp.com
Copyright©1999EdgarR.G.Schneider
Printeddigitallyfrom2003
LibraryofCongressCataloginginPublicationData
Schneider,Edgar,1932–
Discoveringmyautism:apologiaprovitasua(withapologiestoCardinalNewman)/
EdgarSchneider.
p. cm.
ISBN1-85302-724-3(pbk.:alk.paper)
1.Schneider,Edgar,1932– . 2.Autism--Patients--Biography.
I.Title.
RC553.A88S36 1999
616.89’82’0092--dc21
[B]
98-42738
CIP
BritishLibraryCataloguinginPublicationData
Schneider,Edgar
Discoveringmyautism:apologiaprovitasua(withapologiestoCardinalNewman)
1.Schneider,Edgar2.Autism–Patients–Biography
3.Attention-deficit-disorderedadults–Biography
I.Titles
616.8’982’0092
ISBN-13:9781853027246
ISBN-10:1853027243
PrintedandboundinGreatBritainby
MarstonLindsayRossInternationalLtd,
Oxfordshire
Contents
Prologue 9
The Determining Time Period 11
Aftermath 15
Resolution, of a Sort 18
Suspicions 19
A Revelation 22
Recap of a Terrible Period 23
Correlating my Past Life 25
An Interesting Aside 29
My Tastes 31
What I Mean by the Word ‘Love’ 43
A Missing Faculty 46
Two Perilous Characteristics 48
Can ‘Heartless’ Pity be Real? 49
Grief 51
Death and the Afterlife 53
Solitude and Loneliness 57
Learning 58
Values that were Manifested During Military Service 61
Interactions with Others 63
Art as an Early Outlet 68
Religion 70
Disclaimers About Religion 74
A Perhaps Dangerous Characteristic 78
The Upshot of this Self-Discovery 79
Is a Future Close Relationship Possible? 82
Waxing Philosophical About ‘Love’ Among
the Non-Autistic 90
The Emotional Deficit 94
Self-Compensating? 101
Our Own Country 106
Retrospect 114
What I Have Tried to do Here 116
Conclusion 118
Epilogue 119
To Father Neil Doherty, who was instrumental in getting me
to write this story; to Jan Cook, my very good friend who
was instrumental in my getting involved with autism
advocacy; and to Rosalyn Lord, who was instrumental in
getting my story published

Prologue
The poet Alexander Pope, in An Essay on Man, offered this admonition:
‘Knowthenthyself,presumenotGodtoscan.’Indeed,Thales,considered
to be the founder of Greek philosophy and mathematics, believed that
knowing oneself was the most difficult thing to learn. The first half of
whatPopewroteisundeniablyexcellentadvice.Thequestionis:howto
doit?
Introspectionisgenerallynotreliable,becauseanyimagethatwehave
ofourselveshasgottobe,byitsverynature,self-serving.Welookinthe
mirrorandseeacertainpicture.Theoneonthedriver’slicencemayvery
wellbeclosertothemark.Theviewsofourfriendsandacquaintancesmay
notbereliableeitherbecausetheyarecoloredbyanopinionofusacquired
overtime.
On the other hand, for those of us who are fortunate to have this
happen,somethingwillcomeintoourlivesfromasourcethathasnoaxe
togrindonewayoranother,andtowhichwecanrelatewhatwedoknow
tobefactual.Suchanexperiencehappenedtomerecently,andgaveme
insightsintowhyIdowhatIdo,whyIthinkandbelieveasIdo,andwhyI
interactwithothersasIdo,notonlynowbutalsoforallofmypastlife.It
explained so many things about me that had previously been enigmas,
eventomyself.
Idiscussedallofthiswiththepastorofmychurch.Hesuggestedtome,
afterhearingthisstory,thatIwriteit.Ihavedonejustthat,notonlyfor
thosewhomightliketoknowmebetter,butalsoascatharsisformyself.
I should like to start with a past incident that could be said to have
marked the onset of this process of self-revelation. It took place at that
timeatwhichtheclassicalepicpoemsbegantheirstories:the‘middleof
things’.
9