Breaking Through to Teens: A New Psychotherapy for the New Adolescence

305 Pages·2005·1.04 MB·English

by  Ron Taffel PhD

BREAKING THROUGH TO TEENS
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BREAKING
THROUGH TO
TEENS
A New Psychotherapy for the New Adolescence
RON TAFFEL
THE GUILFORD PRESS
New York / London
© 2005 The Guilford Press
A Division of Guilford Publications, Inc.
72 Spring Street, New York, NY 10012
www.guilford.com
All rights reserved
No part of this book may be reproduced, translated, stored in a
retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means,
electronic, mechanical, photocopying, microfilming, recording, or
otherwise, without written permission from the Publisher.
Printed in the United States of America
This book is printed on acid-free paper.
Last digit is print number: 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Taffel, Ron.
Breaking through to teens : a new psychotherapy for the new
adolescence / Ron Taffel.
p.; cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 1-59385-135-9 (alk. paper)
1. Adolescent psychotherapy. 2. Parent and teenager.
[DNLM: 1. Psychotherapy—methods—Adolescent.
2. Adolescent Psychology. 3. Parent–Child Relations.
4. Professional–Patient Relations. WS 463 T124b 2005]
I. Title.
RJ503.T34 2005
616.89′00835—dc22
2004027861
To Leah and Sam, our teens at home—
and to all the kids in these pages:
Snowflakes on a winter’s wind that
brought them into the springtime
of their lives
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Ron Taffel, PhD, has supervised and written about working with
children and families for over two decades. He is one of the coun-
try’s most sought-after speakers for both professional and parent
audiences. Dr. Taffel is the award-winning author of over 100 aca-
demic and popular articles, and has been a contributing editor to
McCall’s and Parents magazines for 14 years. His childrearing
guides, translated into numerous languages, include the critically
acclaimedParentingbyHeart, NurturingGoodChildrenNow,andWhen
Parents Disagree, as well as the professional handbook Getting
ThroughtoDifficultKidsandParents.Hislatestpopularbookonado-
lescence, The Second Family,was recently released in paperback. Dr.
Taffel is the founder of Family and Couples Treatment Services at
The Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy in New York City,
where he lives with his wife and two children.
vi
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Adolescents have parents who affect them in obvious ways. They
also have peer groups or, as I call them, “second families”—that
profoundly affect them in mostly invisible ways. Throughout this
book,Iopenlyacknowledgemyprofessional“parents.”Itakegreat
pains to mention almost every supervisor and writer who influ-
enced me during my career. I have had the good fortune of being
able to synthesize the material they offered and to use it as pa-
tients’needsandthecontextchanged.Withoutsophisticatedinput
from all of the sources you will find attributed in these pages, this
work couldn’t, wouldn’t, and shouldn’t have happened.
Like a teen’s second family, however, several peer-group influ-
encesdonotappearinthistextanddeservetobementioned.First,
The Guilford Press. I have had good experiences with other pub-
lishers, and yet rarely have I found the degree of collaboration that
exists at Guilford, and in unexpected ways: Like everything else of
far greater importance, the writing of this book was set back after
September 11, 2001. Most of you do not realize that The Guilford
Press is situated quite close to the site of the attacks—they, like all
ofus,wereprofoundlyaffectedbythathorrificevent.Thepeopleat
Guilford were kind to me, a strange word to use in business, but
they were. They never pushed metoignore the clinical and service
commitmentsIneededtofulfillasourcityrecovered.Ican’tthank
them enough for this. For their unselfish grasp of what was truly
important, I am forever indebted to Seymour Weingarten, Editor-
in-Chief, and Bob Matloff, President, of The Guilford Press.
Intermsofthebookitself,itisraretoexperiencevision,prac-
vii
viii Acknowledgments
ticality,andclinicalsensefromaneditor—acombinationIfeltcon-
tinuously from another invisible peer, Kathryn Moore, Executive
Editor at Guilford. Kathryn is one of the most clinically astute and
market-savvyeditorsIknow.Itiseasyworkingwithherbecauseof
thesegifts,andalsobecauseshesucceedsatcreatingwhatwether-
apists try to create: an ability to speak openly and then seriously
work through difficult issues. Other authors in the field: If you
have a chance to work with Kathryn, jump at it.
In addition, a book is not just a book. It is an organization,
which is really a collection of peers who try very hard to do the
best they can. Paul Gordon designed the cover, Kim Miller was re-
sponsible for pre-publicity, Katherine Lieber wrote the promo-
tional copy, Jeanne Ford worked at copyediting, Anna Brackett did
theinteriorbookdesignandproduction,SarahSmithprovidedcre-
ative input—all within a ridiculous timetable. Real people always
exist behind the scenes in organizations; we just don’t see them.
But,withoutsuchpeers,weliterallywouldn’thavebookstoread.
The second organization represented in the text is my profes-
sional peer group, The Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy
(ICP).In1982ICPhadtheforesighttograntthefamilytherapydi-
vision I founded full political and curriculum parity in one of New
York’smostrespectedpsychoanalytictrainingandtreatmentfacili-
ties. Their prescience was unique, as only now training facilities
are finally attempting to lessen the distance between treatment
perspectivesratherthanaccentuatethem.ICPhasahistoryofsuch
prescience and the courage to take initiative before an area of need
is recognized: In the ’70s they began The Center for the Study of
Anorexia and Bulimia, the first eating disorders program in the
country; at the same time ICP began one of the first low-fee pro-
grams for children, college students, and performing and creative
artists;inthe’80sICPwasoneofthefirstindependentfacilitiesto
treat HIV and AIDS patients and open its treatment doors to the
elderly; in the mid-’90s ICP began one of the first and perhaps
most successful gay and lesbian affirmative psychotherapy pro-
grams in the country; after 9/11 ICP threw hundreds of therapists
intovolunteerworkwithagenerositythatwasstartling;andithas
continued its commitment to treating trauma clients and educat-
Acknowledgments ix
ing professionals in the newest interventions. This is an organiza-
tion that obviously has clinical foresight and determination, train-
ing thousands of professionals and treating 25,000 clients over
three decades. I could not have developed the form of therapy de-
scribed in these pages without the full support of ICP, and without
my peer and original training director, Judith Friedman.
Finally, I would like to acknowledge Psychotherapy Networker
and Rich Simon, its Editor-in-Chief. Again, in the background, an-
other peer group quietly working: The entire organization and, of
course, Rich gave me a platform for the approach outlined in this
book.Lookthroughmy Networkerarticlesoverthepastdecadeand
you will see threads of the material taking shape and gradually be-
ing woven together. How can you thank colleagues enough when
they’ve actually helped you to develop your own voice?
Adults, not just teens, have peer groups, which are more sus-
taining than we realize. The organizations I mention here have
beenmy“secondfamily”ofpeers,whostrengthenedmeasI’vede-
velopedandinvisiblyhelpedwritethewordsonthesepages,while
granting me the independence to grow in my own unique ways.