Table Of ContentAging Our Way
Aging Our Way
Lessons for Living from 85 and Beyond
Meika Loe
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Loe, Meika, 1973-
Aging our way : lessons for living from 85 and beyond / Meika Loe.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 978-0-19979790-5 (cloth : alk. paper) 1. Aging—Social aspects.
2. Older people—Psychology. 3. Older people—Health and hygiene. 4. Quality
of life.
5. Well-being. I. Title.
HQ1061.L59 2011
646.70084′6—dc22 2011008731
1 3 5 7 9 8 6 4 2
Printed in the United States of America
on acid-free paper
To Levi, who comes from a long line of phenomenal women
CONTENTS
Acknowledgments
Prologue: 30–60–90: On Age and Perspective
Introduction: Living at Home and Making it Work
Lesson 1: Continue to Do What You Did
Lesson 2: (Re) Design Your Living Space
Lesson 3: Live in Moderation
Lesson 4: Take Time for Self
Lesson 5: Ask for Help; Mobilize Resources
Lesson 6: Connect with Peers
Lesson 7: Resort to Tomfoolery
Lesson 8: Care for Others
Lesson 9: Reach out to Family
Lesson 10: Get Intergenerational; Redefine Family
Lesson 11: Insist on Hugs
Lesson 12: Be Adaptable
Lesson 13: Accept and Prepare for Death
Conclusion: New Perspectives on the Oldest Old
Postscript: On Doing Ninety (by Ann)
Epilogue: Updates on Study Participants
Appendix: Best Practices in Supporting Aging in Place
Notes
Index
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I want to thank the thirty inspirational elders who make this book what it is.
Some taught me about conquering loneliness, some tutored me in Yiddish, some
served me shortcake, and others served as editors. All reminded me of the
importance of living purposeful lives, and their lessons live on.
Their voices are made that much richer by those who assisted with this book’s
preparation. Students of all ages patiently listened to ideas and excerpts early on,
and offered encouraging feedback and support, including Colgate University and
Skidmore College students who have taken my Sociology of the Life Course
class, as well as Colgate’s Lifelong Learners, Skidmore’s Mature Adults, and
Hunter College Alumni in the Capital Region. Special thanks go to student
research assistants Rachel Greenburg and Katherine Flynn.
Many colleagues and friends took time to provide thorough and thoughtful
feedback. Special thanks go to Toni Calasanti, Deborah Carr, Kelly Joyce, and
several anonymous reviewers for believing in this project and giving it strength.
Eliza Kent spent many hours in cafes reading drafts and providing invaluable
guidance. Carol Bergen’s news clippings and questions over breakfast kept me
grounded. Laura Carpenter’s and Jennifer Reich’s support and encouragement
never wavered. Thank you to Janel Benson, Courtney Burke, Rebecca Costello,
Carolyn Kissane, Karen Luciani, and Crystal Moore, for your constructive
feedback. Thanks as well to the Oxford team and James Cook, who carefully
read every word of the manuscript, cut a few, and deftly shepherded it through.
I am indebted to the organizations that directly supported this project,
specifically the Upstate Institute at Colgate University and the Institute on
Research on Women at University at Albany. The project was strengthened with
encouragement from Bill Thomas and Jude Rabig and Eldershire workshop
participants; Erin Mitchell at AARP; Loretta Carney of Albany Fortnightly; Sue
Kenneally and Rick Ianello of the Albany Guardian Society; Kim Hansen
Woods at Albany Senior Housing; Bethany Meade, Laurie Milward, and Nikki
Smith from Albany Senior Services from Albany Senior Services; Laurie Mante,
Maryclaire Hassett, Libby Kesner, Liza McKinley, and Kris Santaromita of
Eddy Village Green; Amy Vastola of Jewish Family Services; Sue Baumann and
Steven Spiller at Madison Lane Apartments; Courtney Burke of the Rockefeller
Institute; Lois Wilson of Senior Issues Forum; Claire Sigal and Dick Allen at the
Sidney Albert Albany Jewish Community Center; Julie Meyer at the U.S.
Census Bureau; Tanya Zelman of the West Hill Neighborhood Health Advocate
Program; and the lifelong learners and researchers at Fortnightly Club of
Hamilton, Thursday Morning Club of Troy, and Fortnightly Club of Albany.
We are all a product of our time and place. That could not be more true in my
case. Heartfelt thanks to my Lancaster Street family and my Hamilton
community, two places I call home and the initial inspiration for this book. That
said, my life is made most meaningful by my New York, Colorado, and
California families. On a daily basis, they model the most important lessons for
living, and keep me accountable.
PROLOGUE
30–60–90: ON AGE AND PERSPECTIVE
30. When I turned thirty, I felt old. I felt experienced, grounded, and honestly,
more legitimate. I was an assistant professor with several years of teaching and a
book under my belt. I was a decade older than my students. Fewer people asked
me if I was a student or what I was majoring in. Then I rented a room in an
elder’s home near the university and discovered a thriving elder community.
Over the next three years, as I taught courses on aging, started a family, and
resided in two vibrant intergenerational communities, elders became my primary
teachers, mentors, friends, and extended family. Experiencing pregnancy and
childbirth within these communities, I began to embrace the complexities of age,
wrapped up in questions about body, health, culture, social perception and roles,
generations, life stages, location, and relationships. Meanwhile, I came to view
aging and the human life course in new ways. I realized the importance of social
networks, continuity across one’s life, and self-reliance and control when it
comes to well-being and living, aging, birthing, and dying comfortably. In sum, I
have been busy rethinking age.
60. My parents and in-laws are in their sixties. Each actively loves and cares
for their surviving parents, children, and grandchildren, most of whom live at a
distance. At moments, tables turn, and those who cared for us look to us for care.
I see them balancing their adult lives with new and emerging issues. Their lives
and bodies, roles and responsibilities are in flux. Reminders of aging that had
previously remained under the surface are emerging. All have dealt with loss and
grieving and serious health issues, and all have taken advantage of senior
discounts. Yet, they prefer not to refer to themselves as seniors, and are not even
remotely considering moving to Florida. Instead, what lies before them is time,
new family configurations, and opportunities for reinvention. They are
rethinking age.
90. We have longevity in the family, as they say. My father’s mother lived to
ninety, and her mother lived to ninety-two. My mother’s father just turned
ninety. My grandparents’ and great-grandparents’ long lives enabled me to learn
from them and enjoy their company well into adulthood. My grandparents have
