Who Would You Be Without Your Story?: Dialogues with Byron Katie

317 Pages·2008·7.06 MB·English

by  Byron Katie

WHO WOULD
BE
You WITHOUT
YOUR STORY?
USA S 17.95· CAN S IB.95 • UK £9.99 Self-Help
Publisher's Price Higher in Other Countries
"Byroll Katie's workshops are rivetillg to watcll, alld IlOt jllSt becallse people
are baring tlleir SOli Is. Katie's laser-like tougll love burns away all illusions."
- The Times (London)
BE
W H O WOULD You
WITHOUT YOUR STO RY?
This book is a collection of fifteen dialogues with Byron Katie that
occurred throughout the United States and Europe. Some of the people who
worked with Katie had painful illnesses, others were lovelorn or in messy
divorces, some were simply irritated with a co-worker or worried about money.
What they all had in common was a willingness to question, with Katie's help,
the painful thoughts that are the true cause of all suffering. In every case, we
see how Katie's acute mind and fierce kindness helped each person dismantle
for him- or herself what was felt to be unshakable reality_
Although these dialogues make fascinating reading-some are both
hilarious and deeply moving at once-they are intended primarily as teaching
tools. Each took place in front of an audience, and Katie never lost connection
with that audience, repeatedly reminding each person in the room to follow
the dialogues inwardly and ask themselves the questions the participant must
ask. The dialogue between Katie and these volunteers is an external enactment
of precisely the kind of dialogue all readers can have with their own thoughts.
The result, even in the seemingly most dire situation, can be an unimagined
freedom and joy.
Since 1986, Byron Katie has introduced The Work directly to millions of people
throughout the world at free public events; in prisons, hospitals, churches, corporations,
universities, and schools; at weekend intensives; and at her nine-day School for The
Work. She is the author of the best-selling books Loving What Is; I Need YOLlr Love-Is That
Th.,?; A Thousarui Names {or fay; and, with Hay House, QLlestion YOllr 7lIilli<iTlg, Challge the World.
Website: www.TheWork.com
ALSO BY BYRON KATIE
Loving What Is (with Stephen Mitchell)
I Need Your Love-Is That True? (with Michael Katz)
A Thousand Names for Joy (with Stephen Mitchell)
Question Your Thinking, Change the World:
Quotations from Byron Katie*
* Available from Hay House
Please visit Hay House USA: www.hayhouse.com®
Hay House Australia: www.hayhouse.com.au
Hay House UK: www.hayhouse.co.uk
Hay House South Africa: www.hayhouse.co.za
Hay House India: www.hayhouse.co.in
WHO WOULD
BE
You WITHOUT
YOUR STORY?
Dialogues with
BYRON KATIE
EDITED BY CAROL WILLIAMS
HAY HOUSE, INC.
Carlsbad, California • New York City
London· Sydney. Johannesburg
Vancouver • Hong Kong • New Delhi
Copyright © 2008 by Byron Kathleen Mitchell
Published and distributed in the United States by: Hay House, Inc.: www.hayhouse.
com • Published and distributed in Australia by: Hay House Australia Pty. Ltd.: www.
hayhouse.com.au • Published and distributed in the United Kingdom by: Hay House
UK, Ltd.: www.hayhouse.co.uk • Published and distributed in the Republic of South
Africa by: Hay House SA (Pty), Ltd.: www.hayhouse.co.za • Distributed in Canada by:
Raincoast: www.raincoast.com • Published in India by: Hay House Publishers India:
www.hayhouse.co.in
Editorial supervision: Jill Kramer • Design: Tricia Breidenthal
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any mechanical,
photographic, or electronic process, or in the form of a phonographic recording; nor
may it be stored in a retrieval system, transmitted, or otherwise be copied for public
or private use-other than for "fair use" as brief quotations embodied in articles and
reviews-without prior written permission of the publisher.
The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of
any technique as a form of treatment for physical or medical problems without the ad
vice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to help
you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the
information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and
the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.
Special thanks to Elizabeth Lavine for transcribing these dialogues.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Katie, Byron.
Who would you be without your story? : dialogues with Byron Katie / edited by Carol
Williams. --1st ed.
p.cm.
ISBN 978-1-4019-2179-8 (tradepaper: alk. paper) 1. Self-actualization (Psychology) 2.
Self-evaluation. I. Williams, Carol. II. Title.
BF637.S4K3382008
lS8--dc22
2008016186
ISBN: 978-1-4019-2179-8
11 10 09 08 4 3 2
1st edition, October 2008
Printed in the United States of America
CONTENTS
Foreword by Carol Williams ................................v ii
DIALOGUES:
1. Joe Is Irresponsible .................................... 1
2. Sleep Disorder ...................................... 19
3. My Mother Wouldn't Approve ......................... 39
4. I Can't Stand It That George Fell in Love with Linda ....... .47
5. The Rent Increase ................................... 81
6. Welcome to AI-Anon! ................................ 91
7. Frank Bosses Me Around ............................. 117
8. My Mother Manipulates Me .......................... 123
9. Cancer Ruined My Life .............................. 153
10. My Sister the Prostitute .............................. 185
11. My Mother Made Me a Victim ........................ 211
12. My Husband Shouldn't Have Left Me ................... 227
13. I'm Not Enough-and Some People Are Better Than Others ... 251
14. My Father Abused Me ............................... 267
15. Scared and Angry at God ............................. 299
Afterword by Carol Williams ............................... 309
Appendix .............................................. 311
Index of Topics .......................................... 315
About the Author ........................................ 317
FOREWORD
by Carol Williams
Over the past twenty years, Byron Katie has become known
around the world as one of the clearest and most inspiring teach
ers of our time. She teaches a way to happiness, and those who
meet her respond instantly to the delight she takes in whoever
and whatever is in front of her. Yet, as she is quick to explain, her
own teacher was suffering.
Amid the circumstances of what should have been a satisfying
life in a California desert town-successful business career, healthy
children, beauty-Byron Kathleen Reid (everyone calls her Katie)
was overcome by a depression that lasted more than ten years.
She kept to her bed in deepening rage and despair. Eventually she
committed herself to a shelter for women with eating disorders
the only place that would take her health insurance. One day she
woke up in her attic room to find that all her suffering was gone,
replaced by a joy that was unlike anything she had ever known:
I discovered that when I believed my thoughts, I suffered, but
that when I didn't believe them, I didn't suffer, and that this is
true for every human being. Freedom is as simple as that. I found
that suffering is optional. I found a joy within me that has never
disappeared, not for a single moment. That joy is in everyone,
always.
The difference between her experience and other experiences
of spiritual opening is that in the moment of waking up, she
vii
WHO WOULD YOU BE WITHOUT YOUR STORY?
discovered a method of sustaining that extraordinary lightness.
The four questions and turnaround that she later called The Work
were already present in that first moment.
Katie knew that the joyous clarity she was experiencing is
available to everyone. And, in her down-to-earth American way,
she began to share her method of self-inquiry with the many peo
ple who were immediately drawn to her. Katie's primary realiza
tion was that every painful feeling-anger, loneliness, fear-is the
result of believing a thought that isn't true. To notice what that
thought is and then to examine it with the questions that Katie
discovered has an unimaginable power-unimaginable until you
do it for yourself.
To do The Work, alone or with others, you begin by finding the
particular thoughts that are causing you stress. Perhaps one thought
is: My husband doesn't love me. You write the thoughts down on what
is called a Worksheet (see the Appendix of this book for more infor
mation), then examine the thought using these four questions:
• Is it true?
• Can you absolutely know that it's true?
• How do you react when you believe that thought?
• Who would you be without the thought?
After this, you turn the thought around to its several oppo
sites-for example, My husband does love me, I don't love my hus
band, and I don't love myself-and you find three genuine examples
of how each turnaround is as true as or truer than the original
thought.
The conversations in this book show the kinds of things that
happen when people who are suffering answer these questions,
slowly and accurately. They are edited dialogues between Katie
and fifteen participants at various public workshops and Schools
for The Work that took place around the United States and in Eu
rope. Some of the participants had painful illnesses; others were
lovelorn or in messy divorces; some were simply irritated with
a co-worker or worried about a rent increase. What they all had
in common was a willingness to question, with Katie's help, the
painful thoughts that they came to see were the true cause of their
suffering.
viii
FOREWORD
The dialogues aren't organized by their ostensible topics
family, illness, and so on-because the real subject here is the pro
cess of The Work and the various paths it can take. Some of the
participants were new to The Work, while others had been practic
ing it for some time but had hit particular walls. In every case, we
see how Katie's acute mind and fierce kindness helped each person
dismantle for themselves what was felt to be unshakeable reality.
Although these dialogues make fascinating reading-some are
both hilarious and deeply moving at once-they are intended pri
marily as teaching tools. Each took place in front of an audience.
Katie never lost her connection with that audience, repeatedly re
minding each person in the room to follow the dialogues inwardly
and to ask themselves the questions the participant must ask.
This is the way this book should be read to be most useful. The
dialogues between Katie and these volunteers is an external enact
ment of precisely the kind of dialogue each reader can have with
his or her own thoughts. The result, even in the seemingly direst
situation, can be an unimagined freedom and joy.
Two Things to Know Before You Begin Reading
Each participant in the dialogue has been given a copy of Ka
tie's Worksheet to fill out before the workshop begins. (There is
also a copy of it in the Appendix at the back of this book; you
are encouraged to look at it and use it yourself.) The Worksheet
which asks questions such as "Who angers, frustrates, disappoints,
or confuses you, and why? What is it about them that you don't
like?"-helps identify and pin down the thoughts that are the
causes of suffering. Usually the conversation begins with the par
ticipant reading from the Worksheet, and they return to it again
throughout the conversation. In this book, each time a participant
reads from the Worksheet, their words appear in italics. This is to
make the process clear.
Some readers might be puzzled when Katie addresses the work
shop participants as "Sweetheart" or "Honey." This doesn't mean
that she knows them or that she is being insincere. For Katie, the
one she is with is always the dearest person in the world, and
ix
WHO WOULD YOU BE WITHOUT YOUR STORY?
I hope some of the intensity of her attention comes through in
these transcriptions.
x