Storying Relationships: Young British Muslims Speak and Write about Sex and Love

225 Pages·2021·2.408 MB·English

by  Richard Phillips, Claire Chambers, Nafhesa Ali, Kristina Diprose, Indrani Karmakar

STORYING RELATIONSHIPS
ii
STORYING RELATIONSHIPS
Young British Muslims Speak and
Write about Sex and Love
Richard Phillips, Claire Chambers, Nafhesa Ali,
Kristina Diprose and Indrani Karmakar
Zed Books
Bloomsbury Publishing Plc
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1385 Broadway, New York, NY 10018, USA
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BLOOMSBURY and Zed Books are trademarks of Bloomsbury Publishing Plc
First published in Great Britain 2021
Copyright © Richard Phillips, Claire Chambers, Nafhesa Ali, Kristina Diprose
and Indrani Karmakar, 2021
Richard Phillips, Claire Chambers, Nafhesa Ali, Kristina Diprose and Indrani
Karmakar have asserted their right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act,
1988, to be identified as Authors of this work.
For legal purposes the Acknowledgements on p.xi constitute
an extension of this copyright page.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or
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ISBN HB: 978-1-7869-9846-0
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ebook: 978-1-7869-9843-9
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This book is dedicated to the young people from Muslim backgrounds
who participated in the Storying Sexual Relationships project as interviewees,
writers, performers, facilitators, tutors and critical friends.
vi
CONTENTS
List of Figures ix
List of Tables x
Acknowledgements xi
Introduction 1
Chapter 1
SINGLE 17
Chapter 2
MEETING 31
Interlude 1
COMING TO TERMS 45
Chapter 3
DATING 59
Chapter 4
LOVE 73
Interlude 2
SPEAKING TO STEREOTYPES 85
Chapter 5
PRESSURE 101
Chapter 6
MARRIED 115
Interlude 3
(NOT SO) DIFFERENT 128
Chapter 7
SEX 143
viii Contents
Chapter 8
DREAMING 157
Conclusion 171
Guide to Literary Sources 186
References 191
Index 201
FIGURES
0.1 Creative writing journal written by Bilal, who took part in a
series of workshops in Bradford in 2018. This extract from Bilal’s
diary, with its beautiful writing and crossings-out, is at once
elegant and uncertain, still searching 5
2.1 A scene from the animated film Halal Dating, which was made
by the participants in Workshop Series 1. This shows an imaginary
Muslim dating gameshow. The presence of all family members acts as a
humorous illustration of the collective rather than individualistic
approach to relationships. The participants in this workshop described
this as a common experience for British Muslims, particularly for those
with South Asian heritage 32
3.1 ‘To date or not to date: Halal is the question’. This still from the
animated film Halal Dating, which was made by the participants in
Workshop Series 1, visualizes the conundrum faced by many young
Muslims: the question of whether or not dating can ever be religiously
permissible 63
3.2 Traditional first meetings between potential brides and grooms are
symbolized by the tea and biscuits which are typically served by the
young woman, with all eyes on her. Tea and biscuits are, of course,
also symbols of Britishness, Pakistaniness, and wholesome hospitality.
This still image is from the animated film Halal Dating, which was
made by the participants in Workshop Series 1 64
3.3 Those who entertain the possibility that dating can be religiously
permissible tend to agree that it should not involve physical contact
and that it should be chaperoned. Given the challenges of the
former for two young people who are drawn to each other but find
themselves anxious about the awkwardness of being chaperoned, some
young Muslims speak of dating over the phone and online. This image,
illustrating such virtual dating, is from the animated film Halal Dating,
which was made by the participants in Workshop Series 1 64
6.1 In this light-hearted depiction of marital conflict, a woman throws
a shoe at her husband for his smoking habit. This scene is taken
from the animated film Halal Dating, which was made by the
participants in Workshop Series 1. This image, and the storyline
accompanying it, express realistic rather than idealistic ideas about
marriage. The young animators acknowledge the existence of
conflict and exasperation, even in marriages that generally work 126