So Young, So Sad, So Listen: A Parents' Guide to Depression in Children and Young People

93 Pages·2020·3.535 MB·English

by  Philip Graham, Nick Midgley

PHILIP GRAHAM
& NICK MIDGLEY
THIRD EDITION
So Young,

So Sad,

So Listen
A Parents’ Guide to Depression
in Children and Young People
So Young, So Sad, So Listen

So Young, So Sad, So
Listen
’
A parents guide to depression in children
and young people
By
Philip Graham and Nick Midgley
Drawings by
Christine Roche
Foreword by
Philip Pullman
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Firstpublished1995,TheRoyalCollegeofPsychiatrists
Secondedition2005,TheRoyalCollegeofPsychiatrists
ThirdeditionpublishedbyCambridgeUniversityPress2020
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LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationData
Names:Graham,P.J.(PhilipJeremy),author.
Title:Soyoung,sosad,solisten:helpingdepressedchildren/byPhilipGrahamandNicholasMidgley;drawings
byChristineRoche;forewordbyPhilipPullman.
Description:Thirdedition.|Cambridge,UnitedKingdom;NewYork,NY:CambridgeUniversityPress,2020.|
Revisededitionof:Soyoung,sosad,solisten/PhilipGrahamandCarolHughes.[Rev.ed.].c2005.|Includes
bibliographicalreferencesandindex.
Identifiers:LCCN2019058636(print)|LCCN2019058637(ebook)|ISBN9781911623564(paperback)|ISBN
9781911623557(ebook)
Subjects:LCSH:Depressioninchildren–Popularworks.|Depressioninadolescence–Popularworks.
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Contents
ForewordtotheSecondEditionbyPhilipPullman vii
Acknowledgements viii
Introduction 1
1 HowCanYouKnowifYourChildIsDepressed? 5
2 UnderstandingDepressioninChildrenandYoung
People 21
3 WhatParentsCanDotoHelpBuildaChild’sResilience
toDepression 30
4 HelpingChildrenCopewithCommonStresses:WhatParents
CanDo 40
5 WhenaChildIsDepressed:WhatParentsCanDo 54
6 GettingProfessionalHelp:AGuidetoServicesforChildren
andYoungPeoplewithDepression 64
7 LastWords–fromaParent 77
8 MessagetoGovernments 78
ResourcesandFurtherReading 79
Index 82
v

Foreword to Second Edition
Depression:ithardlysoundslikeanillness,doesit?Itsoundslikeamood.Itsounds
likesomethingyoucouldsnapoutof,withabitofwillpower;likesomethingyou’d
havetobefeebletogiveinto.
Ourancestorscalleditmelancolia,ormelancholy–butevenmelancholysounds
mild.Itsoundslikethesortofpleasinggentlesadnesswemightfeelinautumnaswe
seetheleavesturnbrownandfallfromthetrees.
Noneofthesenamesdoesitjustice.There’snothingmildorgentleaboutwhat
wecalldepression.Infact,atitsworst,it’sasavageandmercilessdisease.Thoseof
uswhohavefeltitspowerdreaditandshunit,andknowthewayitcanravageand
tormentthemind, and pursue usunrelentinglywhile shuttingoffeveryavenueof
escape,untilthereseemstobeonlyonewayoutofthedarklabyrinthwe’retrapped
in:andthatwayissuicide.
It’s a horrible thing to suffer from. It’s bad enough for adults, although people
who’vehadbrusheswithitcandevelopwaysofcopingwhentheysenseitlurking
nearby.Keepingbusyhelps,andtakingexercise,andnotspendingtoomuchtime
onourown,oringloomysurroundings.
Butitcancatchchildreninitsgrip,too.Youngpeoplearejustassusceptible,and
it’sharderforthem,becausetheyhavenothingtocompareitwith;andsometimesit
strikeswhentheyaregoingthroughadolescence,thatmostconfusingandstressful
period,whentheirbodiesarechangingrapidly,whentheyarebesetbyallkindsof
socialandpersonalembarrassments,whensexualfeelingsareincreasinglyurgent,
when every relationship isunder strain. Sometimes the starting pointof a bout of
depressionmightbefamilyproblemsthatseemimpossibletodealwith–divorce,
bereavement, or an abusive adult; but sometimes it strikes out of the blue, with
hardly any apparent reason. Whatever the cause and wherever it comes from, if
depressionstrikeswhenyou’reyoung,itstrikesveryhardindeed.
Why it affects some and not others is still a mystery. The important thing to
rememberisthattherearewaystodealwithit.Oneofthemostdeadlytricksofthis
cunning and malevolent disease is to persuade us that the hopeless despair we’re
sufferingisourfault:thatwearesomehowtoblameforthestatewe’rein,thatwe
don’tdeservetoliveandbehappy.
Thisiswheretheinformedhelpofotherpeoplecanbesoimportant.Thisbook
isfullofhelpfulinformationnotonlyfortheyoungsufferer,butfortheirfriends,
andforparentsandteachersandotheradultswhodealwithchildren.I’mgladthat
suchasourceofgoodadviceandinformationexists,andIhopeitwilllightenmany
burdens.
PhilipPullman
vii
Acknowledgements
CarolHugheswasasecondauthoronanearliereditionofthisbook,andwethank
herforallowingustomakeuseofherinvaluablecontributions.Wearealsograteful
toRoslynLaw,PhilippaPowell,GerryRobinson,TraceyRollings,PaulWilkinson,
aswellasanumberofanonymousparentsandananonymouschildandadolescent
psychiatrist for their valuable comments on drafts of this book. Quotations from
young people and parents about their experiences of depression and treatment
mostly come from the IMPACT-ME study, which was funded by the Monument
Trust. We are also grateful to the members of the editorial staff of Cambridge
UniversityPressfortheirhelpandencouragement,andtoChristineRocheforher
wonderfulillustrations.
viii
Introduction
Thisbookisaboutdepressioninchildrenandteenagersduringtheirschoolyears,
fromfivetoeighteen.Itiswrittenprimarilyforparents,butwehopethatteachers,
socialworkers,healthvisitorsandfamilydoctorswillalsofindituseful.
Why do parents need to know about possible depression in their children? All
childrengetsadandmiserablefromtimetotime.Sometimesitisdifficulttoknowif
such normal unhappiness needs special attention. We aim to help parents in this
situation.
This is an example of a situation in which a mother describes how first she
thought her son’s problem was nothing much to worry about but then she had to
changehermind.Ben’smother,ateacher,describedthechangethatcameoverher
ten-year-oldsonafterashortviralillness.
‘Hechangedsomehow.Thechangewassogradualthatitwashardtopinpointatfirst.
We thought he was still recovering from the virus and took him to the doctor. But,
slowly,webecameawarethatthingsweregettingworse.Heseemedtohavelosthis
sparkle – he used to be such a lively, interested and interesting ten-year-old, with
a passion for Arsenal! Then even football lost its charm for him. Wefelt he was just
going through the motions of everyday life. He would agree to most things, but do
themwithoutenjoyment.Hequicklybecametearfuloverminorincidents.Hestayed
indoorsmoreandmoreandwerealisedthathespokelessfrequentlyabouthisfriends
ortheirjointactivities.Unlesswepushedhimintodoingsomeactivity,hewouldjust
do nothing. It was such an upsetting difference from the energetic, sometimes
exhausting,livelychildthatwehadknown.’
Childrenandyoungpeoplethemselvesneedtoknowaboutdepressionsothatthey
can better understand what is happening when one of their friends or they them-
selvessufferfromit.Althoughthisbookiswrittenprimarilyforparentsandcarers,
inthesectiononResourcesattheendofthisbook,wesuggestsomeplaceswhere
childrenandyoungpeoplecanfindmoreinformation.
Teachers need to know about depression because it can affect learning and
behaviour in the school setting. Sometimes a child or young person with
a depressive problem can show unmistakeable signs at school but appear or show
verydifferentbehaviourathome.Sometimes,aswithEmma,behaviournotusually
associatedwithdepressioncanbeasignofitspresence.
1