Lust, Anger, Love: Understanding Sexual Addiction and the Road to Healthy Intimacy

319 Pages·2008·1.11 MB·English

by  Maureen Canning

l
L ust Anger Love takes a unique approach to the problem of sexual
u
addiction and its consequences and offers a comprehensive road
lust
map for recovery. s
t
“Incredibly Powerful! Maureen Canning speaks from the heart. With

compassion and frankness, not only will the reader understand the

relationship of the original wounding and subsequent addiction, but
a
also the path that leads to recovery.”
n
—Claudia Black, author of It Will Never Happen to Me
g
“This book is dripping with Maureen Canning’s blood as she describes
e
the story of her own sexual demons and the arduous journey of her
r
recovery. You will find out how and where you can get help and

anger
recover the vibrant intimacy and joyful pleasures of a healthy sexual

love life.”

l
—John Bradshaw, MA, author of Homecoming and Creating Love
o
“In plain talk, scarce of jargon but rich in wisdom, Maureen Canning v
offers practical solutions to help sufferers work through the compulsive
e
maze of sex addiction, guiding them towards the freedom of
self-hood and love.” u n d e r s t a n d i n g s e x u a l a d d i c t i o n
—Peter A. Levine, PhD, author of Sexual Healing and Healing Trauma
and the
r o a d t o h e a l t h y i n t i m a c y
Maureen Canning, Clinical Consultant for Sexual
Disorder Services at The Meadows, has extensive m
a
experience working with sexual disorders. An early u
r
clinical associate of Dr. Patrick Carnes, she now has a e
e
private practice in Phoenix. n Love

c
a
n
n
$16.95 U.S. / $21.95 CAN / £9.99 UK in
g
ISBN13: 9781402208683
www.sourcebooks.com ISBN10: 1402208685 51695
Self-Help C N
P A
U E
m a u r e e n c a n n i n g , m a , l m f t
7 60789 21526 1 9 781402 208683
LustAngerLove_int.qxd 12/12/07 4:53 PM Page i
LustAngerLove_int.qxd 12/12/07 4:53 PM Page ii
Copyright © 2008 by Maureen Canning
Cover and internal design © 2008 by Sourcebooks,Inc.
Cover photo © Sourcebooks,Inc.
Sourcebooks and the colophon are registered trademarks of
Sourcebooks,Inc.
All cases studies,individuals,and couples described in this book are
composites,both real and fictitious.All the identities of my clients
have been altered in order to protect their confidentiality and
privacy.No individual in this book is related to any actual person,
living or dead.
All rights reserved.No part of this book may be reproduced in any
form or by any electronic or mechanical means including
information storage and retrieval systems—except in the case of brief
quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews—without
permission in writing from its publisher,Sourcebooks,Inc.
Published by Sourcebooks,Inc.
P.O.Box 4410,Naperville,Illinois 60567-4410
[phone]
Fax:[phone]
www.sourcebooks.com
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Canning,Maureen.
Lust,anger,and love :understanding sexual addiction and the road
to healthy intimacy / Maureen Canning.
p.cm.
IISSBBNN-1-31:3 9:7987-18--410-2420-22926-20-8668-3 (pbk.)
IISSBBNN-1-01:0 1:-14-042022-229-6028-368-5 (pbk.)
1. Sex addiction. I.Title.
RC560.S43C36 2008
616.85’83—dc22
2007029512
Printed and bound in the United States of America.
VP 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
LustAngerLove_int.qxd 12/12/07 4:53 PM Page iii
This Book Is Dedicated to All Who Still Suffer
LustAngerLove_int.qxd 12/12/07 4:53 PM Page iv
LustAngerLove_int.qxd 12/12/07 4:53 PM Page v
We are going to know a new freedom and a new
happiness....We will comprehend the word serenity
and know we will know peace.
—Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous
LustAngerLove_int.qxd 12/12/07 4:53 PM Page vi
LustAngerLove_int.qxd 12/12/07 4:53 PM Page vii
Contents
Acknowledgments........................................................ix
Author to Reader......................................................xiii
1. My Own Story of Sexualized Anger..........................1
2.Holding the Shame..................................................25
3.Trauma and Distortion ............................................43
4. Coping with Trauma..............................................65
5. Sexualized Anger....................................................89
6.Acting Out and Acting In:
The Socially Forgivable Behaviors........................121
7.Acting Out:The Less Understood
and Socially Unforgivable Behaviors......................143
8. Cultural Conditioning:Madonnas,
Whores,Princes,Playboys,and Perverts................181
9. High-Profile Cases in Congress and the Church..193
10. Healthy Sexuality................................................211
11. Chiseling Out Your Soul....................................255
Resources ................................................................269
Index........................................................................273
LustAngerLove_int.qxd 12/12/07 4:53 PM Page viii
LustAngerLove_int.qxd 12/12/07 4:53 PM Page ix
Acknowledgments
T
his book is a labor of love.It is born out of a passion
that has been influenced by many situations and many
individuals throughout my life, the first being my
sisters.They are my touchstones to the past and a constant
reminder of the courage of the spirit. The clients with
whom I have had the honor of working have had an
immeasurable influence on this book. The gift of their
vulnerability and trust serves as a constant reminder of the
possibility of the healing process. Patrick Carnes, an early
mentor of mine,was the first to write about sexual addiction
as a disorder.His early work serves as the foundation of my
clinical practice. Pia Mellody, who pioneered models of
codependency and love addiction, has been both a
supportive colleague and a friend.
I want to thank Larry Fruendlich,without whom this
book would have not been possible.His knowledge and
belief in the project guided me through this process from