Expectations of Marriage Before & After Marriage Among Maltese Catholic Couples

295 Pages·2008·1.01 MB·English

Expectations of Marriage
Before & After Marriage
Among Maltese Catholic Couples

Thesis submitted in partial fulfilment of
the degree of
Doctor of Systemic Psychotherapy

University of East London
March 2007

Charlie Azzopardi

Tavistock Clinic
London

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ABSTRACT

This thesis explores expectations of marriage before marriage, their origin, and their
development in the first year of marriage among Maltese Catholic couples marrying in
the Church.

Ten couples were purposely selected from a sample of marriage preparation course
participants to attend two semi-structured interviews; one before marrying and another
one approximately one year into marriage. The first interviews consisted of questions
around the origin of expectations of marriage and on expectations of marriage before
marriage. The second interviews focused on the development of expectations within
the first year of marriage. Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis was used to
analyse the data.

The various themes that emerged are highly indicative of the shifting constructions
about the family and the transitory nature of gender roles in society with current
couples finding themselves ensnared between traditional and post-traditional
constructions. Expectations before marriage continue to persist into the first year of
marriage as do various tensions between partners. While women generally expressed
expectations concerning togetherness, connectedness, and increased emotional
intimacy, men generally expressed expectations regarding independence and
separateness. Women were also generally more inclined to voice expectations of
romanticism than their male counterparts. Disappointment of unmet expectations,
particularly of the romantic expectations, appeared to start immediately after the
wedding as partners feel increasingly responsible.

All the emerging themes are embraced within an over-arching theme of an evolving
relationship narrative, involving the co-construction of collaborative dance between
individuality and relatedness.

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I dedicate this work to my late father and my mother
who thought me so much in life and about life.

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ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

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I wish to thank all those who helped me throughout this study, especially:

Mrs. Emilia Dowling, consultant clinical psychologist, my research supervisor, whose
positive feedback and helpful ideas were always inspiring and dearly appreciated.

Dr. Angela Abela, clinical psychologist and senior lecturer at University of Malta, my
local supervisor, whose meticulous feedback and guidance I found extremely helpful.

Fr. Rev. Louis Camilleri, Director Cana Movement, whose support in recruiting
participants was crucial.

Dr. Charlotte Burck, Senior Clinical Lecturer and organising tutor, for her
contribution in the fine-tuning of this work.

My colleague M10 participants whose challenging questions and insightful reflections
often helped me channel my enthusiasm.

The research participants who wholeheartedly trusted me with their stories.

To my wife Marika whose infinite support helped me make it through the hardest of
times. I heartily thank her for her kind presence and for encouraging me to grow into
the man I am today.

To my two young men, Jeremy and Isaac, who revive and inspire me with their
enthusiasm and whom I love most dearly.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

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ABSTRACT............................................................................................................................................2
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS...................................................................................................................4
TABLE OF CONTENTS.......................................................................................................................6
CHAPTER 1 - Introduction to the Study...........................................................................................12
1.1. Introduction...................................................................................................................................13
1.2. Area of Study.................................................................................................................................13
1.3. Aims of the Study...........................................................................................................................14
1.4. Rationale for the Study.................................................................................................................16
1.4.1. Introduction..............................................................................................................................16
1.4.2 Marriage as a Transitional Challenge......................................................................................16
1.4.3 Concern About Marital Stability and Increasing Separation and Annulment...........................17
1.4.4. Increasing Family Configuration Variety................................................................................19
1.4.5. Declining Traditional View About Marriage and the Family..................................................20
1.4.6. Changing Marital Role Expectations.......................................................................................21
1.4.7. Scant Research on the Subject..................................................................................................22
CHAPTER 2 - Conceptual Frameworks and Literature Review....................................................24
2.1. Introduction...................................................................................................................................25
2.2. Defining Expectations of Marriage..............................................................................................25
2.3 Conceptual Frameworks................................................................................................................27
2.3.1. Psychoanalytic Theory.............................................................................................................27
2.3.2. Attachment Theory....................................................................................................................30
2.3.3. The Family Life Cycle Theory..................................................................................................32
2.3.4. Systemic Theory........................................................................................................................33
2.3.5. Conclusion................................................................................................................................39
2.4. Research on Expectations of Marriage........................................................................................40
2.4.1. Expectations of Marriage and Marital Success........................................................................40
2.4.1.1. Disillusionment Model......................................................................................................40
2.4.1.2. Emergent Distress Model...................................................................................................41
2.4.1.3. Enduring Dynamics Model................................................................................................42
2.4.2. Marital Satisfaction and Expectations......................................................................................42
2.4.3. Types of Expectations...............................................................................................................44
2.4.4. The Origins of Expectations of Marriage.................................................................................45
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2.4.4.2. Media and Marriage Education.........................................................................................48
2.4.4.3. Religious and Traditional Influences.................................................................................50
2.4.5. Malta’s Current Situation: What do people expect from their marriage ?...............................51
2.4.6. General Criticism of the Research Reviewed...........................................................................55
2.4.7. Summary of Literature Review and the Emerging Research Questions...................................58
CHAPTER 3 - Research Methodology...............................................................................................60
3.1. Introduction...................................................................................................................................61
3.2. Data Analysis Using IPA...............................................................................................................61
3.3. Rationale for choice of IPA...........................................................................................................62
3.4. The Selected Participants for this Research................................................................................64
3.5. Recruitment of Participants..........................................................................................................66
3.6 The Researcher...............................................................................................................................66
3.7. The Interview as a Research Tool................................................................................................67
3.7.1. First Interview - Content.........................................................................................................69
3.7.2. Second Interview - Content......................................................................................................71
3.8. Pilot Interviews and Subsequent Amendments...........................................................................72
3.8.1. Amendment 1............................................................................................................................73
3.8.2. Amendment 2............................................................................................................................73
3.8.3. Amendment 3............................................................................................................................74
3.9. Deciding about the Language.......................................................................................................74
3.10. Data Analysis Process..................................................................................................................75
3.11. After the Interview......................................................................................................................77
3.12. Validity.........................................................................................................................................77
3.13. Reflexivity.....................................................................................................................................81
CHAPTER 4 - Origin of Expectations: Analysis and Interpretation...............................................85
4.1. Introduction...................................................................................................................................86
4.2.1 Supra-Theme 1: Parents as Role Models..................................................................................87
4.2.2. Dominant Theme 1: Media Influences......................................................................................88
4.2.3. Dominant Theme 3: Expectations Development During Courtship.........................................89
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4.2.4. Interpretation............................................................................................................................89
4.2.5. Summary of Findings about the Origin of Expectations of Marriage......................................96
CHAPTER 5 - Recalled Adolescent Fantasies of Marriage: Analysis and Interpretation.............98
5.1. Introduction...................................................................................................................................99
5.2. Dominant Theme 1: Romantic View of Marriage.......................................................................99
5.3. Dominant Theme 2: Traditional Image of Family and Family Life........................................100
5.4. Dominant Theme 3: Timing of Marriage..................................................................................101
5.5. Interpretation...............................................................................................................................102
CHAPTER 6 - Expectations of Marriage: Analysis and Interpretation........................................108
6.1 Introduction..................................................................................................................................109
6.2. Category 1: Expected Lifestyle Changes...................................................................................109
6.2.1. Supra-Theme 1: Marriage as a Continuation of Courtship.................................................110
6.2.2. Supra-Theme 2: Juggling Between Work and Family Life.................................................110
6.2.3. Supra-Theme 3: Concerns About Time..............................................................................112
6.2.4. Supra-Theme 4: Concerns About Housework....................................................................112
6.2.5. Supra-Theme 5: Concerns About Recreation.....................................................................114
6.3. Category 2: Boundary Making...................................................................................................114
6.3.1. Supra-Theme 1: Inter-Relationship Boundaries..................................................................115
6.3.2. Supra-Theme 2: Intra-relationship Boundaries - Finding a Balance Between Togetherness
and Separateness...........................................................................................................................118
6.4. Category 3: ‘Us & Them’ – Comparing the Relationship........................................................119
6.4.1. Dominant Theme 1: Comparison Between the Couple and Other Known Couples............120
6.4.2. Dominant Theme 2: Comparison Between the Couple Itself and the General Local Situation
......................................................................................................................................................121
6.4.3. Dominant Theme 3: Comparison Between the Couple in the Present and in the Past........122
6.5. Category 4: Becoming a Family.................................................................................................123
6.5.1. Supra-Theme 1: Marriage is for Life..................................................................................123
6.5.2. Supra-Theme 2: Marrying in the Church............................................................................124
6.5.3. Supra-Theme 3: Family and Children.................................................................................126
6.5.4. Supra-Theme 4: Timing of Childbearing............................................................................127
6.5.5. Supra-Theme 5: Parenting of Children...............................................................................128
6. 6. Category 5: Challenges Related to Differences........................................................................129
6.6.1. Supra-Theme 1: Challenges Related to Personal Qualities.................................................129
6.6.2. Supra-Theme 2: Division of Roles.....................................................................................131
6.7. Interpretation...............................................................................................................................134
6.7.1. Marriage as a Continuation of Courtship..............................................................................134
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6.7.2. Expected Life-Style Changes..................................................................................................138
6.7.3. Balance Between Togetherness and Separateness.................................................................141
6.7.4. Boundary Making...................................................................................................................147
6.7.5. Comparing the Relationship...................................................................................................155
6.7.6. Becoming a Family.................................................................................................................159
6.7.6.1. Marriage is for Life..........................................................................................................159
6.7.6.2. Marrying in the Church....................................................................................................161
6.7.6.3. Family and Children........................................................................................................162
6.7.7. Living Together Challenges....................................................................................................166
6.7.8 Expectations of Gender Equality.............................................................................................170
6.8. Conclusion....................................................................................................................................174
CHAPTER 7 - Expectations Development in the First Year of Marriage.....................................177
7.1. Introduction.................................................................................................................................178
7.2. Category 1: Adjustment..............................................................................................................178
7.2.1. Level 1: Personal Adjustment.................................................................................................179
7.2.1.1. Supra-Theme 1: Shocking Experience.............................................................................179
7.2.1.2. Supra-Theme 2: Novelties...............................................................................................180
7.2.1.3. Supra-Theme 3: Realizations - ‘Nothing is what it seems’..............................................181
7.2.2. Level 2: Relational Adjustment...............................................................................................182
7.2.2.1. Supra-Theme 1: Adjusting to Differences Between the Partners.....................................182
7.2.2.2. Supra-Theme 2: Developing Relationship Dynamics......................................................185
7.2.2.3. Supra-Theme 3: Traditional vs Non Traditional Role Assimilation................................186
7.2.2.4. Supra-Theme 4: Togetherness and Separateness - Being Together in a different Way from
Courtship......................................................................................................................................189
7.2.3. Level 3: Contextual Adjustment..............................................................................................190
7.2.3.1. Supra-Theme 1- Changing Relationship with Parents and In-laws..................................191
7.2.3.2. Dominant Theme 1: Changing Relationship with Friends...............................................194
7.2.3.3. Dominant Theme 2: Adjusting to Work-Life Balance.....................................................195
7.2.3.4. Dominant-Theme 3: Environmental Adjustment.............................................................196
7.3. Category 2: Ongoing Challenges in Marriage..........................................................................198
7.3.1. Supra-Theme 1: Managing Change & New Discoveries about the Partner...........................198
7.3.2. Dominant Theme 1: Affection and Romanticism....................................................................199
7.3.3. Dominant Theme 2: Time to Have Children...........................................................................199
7.4. Category 3: A Child is Born – A Mini Case Study...................................................................200
7.5. Interpretation...............................................................................................................................210
7.5.1. Adjustment..............................................................................................................................210
7.5.1.1. Level 1: Individual Adjustment and Experiential Learning.............................................210
7.5.1.2. Level 2: Relational Adjustment.......................................................................................213
a. Symbiotic traditional relationships and increased sense of responsibility.............................215
b. Togetherness & Separateness...............................................................................................220
c. The balanced and the struggling couples..............................................................................221
d. The emergent androgyny......................................................................................................224
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